Since giving birth to her daughter Ioni in March, model Coco Rocha has been proudly sharing all her motherhood moments with her one million followers. But this week she slammed those who criticised her decision to bottle feed her 6-month-old daughter.
It started when, holidaying in Hawaii, she mentioned she was ordering some formula via the virtual assistant app, Go Butler. The result? A barrage of questions and criticism as to why she wasn’t breastfeeding.
Responding to her critics, Coco said: ‘Not that this is anyone’s business – I loved breastfeeding Ioni for the first 5 months of her life and then one day my milk went dry.’ She then added, ‘Anyone who has a negative comment to make on the way I raise my baby will be blocked. This is not a democracy, everyone doesn’t get a say.’
Coco’s story is depressingly familiar. This time last year I wrote a piece for Grazia after Olivia Wilde tweeted a picture of herself breastfeeding. ‘Good for her’ was my initial thought when I saw the story on Grazia Daily. My next thought? Wait for the anti-bottle comments…
And I didn’t have to wait long. Responding to the actress’s picture, one commented: ‘I pity the ones who have a problem with it, as they probably had a bottle of formula full of chemicals shoved in their mouth when they were born.’
And it’s here that I get mad. Because while I think breastfeeding is great (as are all the pictures of celebrity mums publicly breastfeeding which helps end the stigma still surrounding it), I – like Coco – think formula is pretty amazing too. I also think that any snide, judge-y comments about bottle feeding are just as bad as any snide, judge-y comments from some awful person who asks a nursing mum to leave a café.
After all, why is it OK to criticise those who judge breastfeeding mums (or ask them to cover up) and at the same time, and with a staggering lack of self-awareness, judge those who formula feed?
Because here’s the thing about mothers: we’re doing our best. How we feed our babies is irrelevant, nobody’s business and most definitely not a sign of how good a mother we are.
For the record, I formula fed my first daughter and breastfed my second. So I’m not anti-breastfeeding – far from it, because I did it myself for months. What I am is anti-bottle bashing.
My first birth was long and traumatic. In all honesty I felt awful in the weeks following Sophia’s birth. She was a big hungry baby who fed every two hours, day and night. I felt overwhelmed, shattered and broken. Eventually I gave her a bottle of formula and life transformed. We both became calmer, happier and slept more.
Rosie’s birth on the other hand was quick and straightforward. We both slept for eight hours straight the night she was born and I happily breastfed her for months.
Both girls are now happy, bright five and two-year-olds and any guilt I felt about how I fed Sophia is long gone. Except for when I read stupid comments from bottle bashers. Who ironically often try to come across as sisterly in their ‘breast is best, you go girl’ way, but are actually anything but.
Because you know what’s even better than breast? Leaving mothers alone to make their own bloody decisions.
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By Maria Lally *