We live in a world of instant gratification and have come to expect this in every aspect of our lives. Instant coffee, instant meals, instant internet access, instant movies and music… So it only makes sense that instant romance should follow. And thanks to dating apps and websites, it has. Sort of.
But with every progression comes a whole world of new concerns. Are we all going to die of cancer from heating food in the microwave? How are the film and music industry going to survive with all the illegal downloads? And how are we going to cope on a date with someone we don’t know from Adam?
Before online dating sites came along, you had to know something about your date before you actually, well, dated. Presumably you would have met them before, no matter how briefly, you would have a good idea as to a) what they actually look like and b) whether or not they had any redeeming features that could potentially hold your interest at least until the date was over. Even if a mutual friend had set you up, you would have at least three conversations to ascertain the basics.
All we have are a few photographs which have been carefully selected, possibly edited, possibly not even of them
Nowadays, not so much. All we have are a few photographs which have been carefully selected, possibly edited, possibly not even of them. Quite frankly, this isn’t enough. What if we need to get out fast? What if they are actually a criminal? What if we want to call beforehand but can’t quite bring ourselves to find the courage to do so? Well, and it pains me to say it, but there’s an app for that.
That’s right. Not only have apps brought us a world of problems, they’ve cleverly brought us a whole world of solutions too.
So, you’re going on a date with someone you met online. Obviously you’re not ready. No one ever can be, but here are three of the most ingenious apps I could find to help.
DateCheck
Is he married? Divorced? Does he have kids? His own home? A criminal record? These are things that you may want to know but won’t dare ask. Well, now you don’t need to. DateCheck will run a search through legal databases to answer all of these questions and send the findings straight to your mobile phone. Also great news for stalkers.
OK, so we now know you’re not heading for a date with Fred West. Good. It would probably make sense to call this guy before the date but a) you may have traditional values that mean you don’t want to be the first to call, or b) you’re nervous and have planned exactly what you are going to say. Absolutely any interruption or unexpected contribution from him would cause you to freeze. Which is why our friends in the USA have the upper hand with…
Slydial
This app can be easily employed by calling 267-SLYDIAL (267-759-3425) plus his number. It will take you straight through to his voicemail. This means you can stay on script and make it seem as though you were confident enough to call after all. (Can we get this in the UK already, please?)
So what if, after all your preparation, you’re actually on the date and realise it was all for nothing because he is honestly the most repulsive person you have ever met in your life? Not a problem, because you have already installed…
Bad Date Rescue
An evolution of the ‘emergency phone call’, Bad Date Rescue is a new app from eHarmony which will make a fake emergency call for you at a time of your choosing and from any contact in your address book. Not only this but a pre recorded – and wholly believable – message begging you to help them immediately will sound into your ear. It even comes with easy to follow scripts.
There we have it – modern day romance. Mills & Boon novels will never be the same again. And we call this ‘progress’? I think maybe it’s time we all download the app called ‘Dictionary’.
Follow Rachel Hirons on twitter @MsRachelHirons
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.