Ask A Bartender: What Do You *Really* Think About People Who Sit Drinking Alone?

Sure you want to be a confident, sassy, independent-thinking young woman. And you are. In so many ways. But how come you still haven’t cracked how to be ok with your own company?

For some reason, the idea of walking into a busy bar, sitting at a table for one and ordering a drink just for you, seems like one of the hardest adult moves you can make. In your head it’s all Claire from* House of Cards* behavior. Until your head becomes consumed by thoughts that everyone’s looking at you and staring.

So are they? What do bartenders who spot a lone drinker actually think? Turns out, the answer is surprisingly – well – ok. ‘I bloody love people who come in and drink on their own,’ Emilie, one of Bacardi’s bartenders who’s worked around the world tells* The Debrief.* ‘Sometimes people come alone because they've read a review or they fancy a cocktail to themselves or they have time to kill. I think it's very intriguing.’

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She does admit though that there’s a definite gender split when it comes to lone drinkers going uncommented upon – but for once, it’s a gender split that might work in your favour. ‘Lone men tend to be a little older; it’s rare that a guy under 30 will go to a bar on his own because he needs his lads around him to face the world,’ Emilie says. ‘Whereas the women tend to be quite young, usually around their early 20s and it’s normally because they’re going somewhere else after but wanted a quick drink to themselves first. Male bartenders are very intrigued by these women. They always ask, “What’s her secret?” as if it’s so mysterious. But we never associate a lone drinker negatively. It’s more like, “Wow! You have the balls to come to a bar on your own and enjoy your drink.”’

If you’re still feeling the fear though, Emilie insists it’s all about faking confidence until you start to actually feel it. And that there are some tell-tale signs of how comfortable lone drinkers feel. ‘It looks very old school cool when people come in and read a book while drinking a cocktail. Most people will check their phones constantly but actually it can just be a great opportunity for people watching,’ she says.

And whilst Emilie says bartenders aren’t whispering from their side of the steel about whether the solo drinker is going to get picked up, it can be a good way to meet people – if that is indeed the reason you’re there. ‘If a solo drinker is sat near a table of friends (rather than a date), they usually always end up chatting,’ she advises.

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Equally, if you’re just after some me-time there’s a way to signal that too. ‘We know how to read people and can tell if you want to be spoken to or not, it’s all in your body language, eye contact and how you interact. If you comment on something a group of people are talking about, it’s obvious you’re trying to join the conversation but if you’re doing work, or have a book or are just staring at your phone, it normally means you don’t want to be disturbed,’ says Emilie.

Do bartenders find it rude though if you sit solo at their bar and decline to say anything other than: ‘I’ll have a gin martini so strong you can still taste it ten minutes later?’. (Or words to a similar effect.) Surprisingly – or not – that’s often easier to manage than a customer who’s drinking solo as some sort of free therapy. ‘We don’t normally act as therapists over here; we sometimes will have someone say to us, “I’ve had the worst day. I need a drink,” but it doesn’t happen too often,’ she laughs.

But if that’s one nightmare-solo-drinker-scenario, what about the one where someone’s boozing in your bar because they blatantly fancy you? Well – turns out that’s pretty transparent, too. ‘Solo drinkers normally stay for just one or two drinks but if they have a crush on one of the bartenders, they normally stay for three,’ Emilie reveals.

So the short answer as to whether you can drink alone is yes. As long as you’re not using it as a surefire way to bitch about your boss. Or coming onto the bartender. That way only messiness lies.

*But what to order if you're going to be drinking alone? Our bartender says it's all about the Cosmopolitan. And no, banish any SATC hang-ups you have with that. 'Ordering a classic vodka cosmpolitan will show you're exactly the kind of sassy, confident young woman who is perfectly comfortable sitting alone at the bar,' she says. And who doesn't want to put that message across. *

(And there are more great cocktail recipes at Mixed Cocktails, FYI.)

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Illustration: Marina Esmeraldo

This article originally appeared on The Debrief.