'So...I guess I’m starting to understand why there’s no ancient prophecy about a Chosen One...and her friends.'
Buffy the Vampire Slayer was everything in the late 90s. Watching it as a teeny-tiny girl not only gave me nightmares but intense jealousy - I wanted to fight like Buffy, look like her, live her adventures. I also wanted her friends - my own tight-knit little Scooby Gang to make jokes with and stick by my side. Individually they aren’t perfect, sure, but as a group they’re just about as close as you can get. They fight, and their fights sometimes almost result in the end of the world. But their love is a bond stronger than vampires and even beyond friendship: it’s family. None of the three friends at the show’s core - Xander, Willow, and Buffy - have normal or stable home lives. But they have each other.
Plus, if Buffy and her friends can stay in touch while saving the world and make up after one of them becomes a demon - what’s to stop you from forgiving your mates? Here are just a few things Buffy can teach us about friendship in the year 2016 - some of them we can learn from the Scooby Gang’s mistakes, and that’s okay. Nobody’s perfect.
1. Friends are the family that you choose
I’ve touched on this already, but the thing that is so life-affirming about the friendships in Buffy is that they aren’t just that. Xander and Willow have been friends since childhood and have strong, ingrained traditions that surpass your typical friendship. Their love is even enough to stop the end of the world. They bring Buffy into that unconditional-eternal-love circle, too, and help her out with pretty much everything. Giles is the reluctant but ever-present dad figure. You can’t choose your family, but you can choose to surround yourself with absolutely top-notch friends that are close enough. Plus, what’s family if not a bunch of people who annoy you that you continue to do stuff for?
2. Always be critical of who your friends date
Alright, the Scooby Gang weren’t always on top of this one. But each of them dated a ton of terribly toxic people, some of whom were even actual literal demons. You may think the boys your pals bring home are bad, but at least they (usually) don’t lose it on a full moon. Every single one of them had a horrendous track record, and the other Scoobies weren’t shy in vocalising their opinion. *Especially *when it came to Angel and Spike - no matter how hard you might have shipped either of those with Buffy in the early 2000s, you’ve gotta admit they were terrible. Even if your friends don’t listen, and even if they’re embarrassed when you’re right all along, at least you tried. Don’t be mean, though. Just give him the once-over and let her know if he’s a dickhead and she’s wearing her rose-tinted glasses.
3. Be understanding when your friends need space
Here’s one we can learn from the Scooby Gang for every single time they messed up. I mean, we can forgive them - they were basically kids. But Buffy was so often going through absolute hell and the Scoobies could only whine about how much it was going to affect *them. *When she was upset that it was on her shoulders to save the world *and *be a teen *and *do everything else, they whined that they fought out of choice sometimes too. When Buffy’s mom died and she had to do literally everything and get a job, her friends were mad that she wasn’t around. When she disappeared after dying they called her a bailer. When she died again and kind of just wanted to stay dead, they selfishly brought her back - praising themselves for bringing her back from ‘hell’. Learn from their mistakes. Give your friends space and tell them you’ll still be here when they’re ready.
4. No fight is too big to get over
Yeah, there are toxic friendships. There are bad behaviours that you should never under any circumstances forgive. But when an otherwise good friend fucks up once or twice, no matter how catastrophically, it’s okay to forgive them for the sake of your history. Willow went insane and tried to end the world, but her friends forgave her and it was that which brought her back from the brink. They all made huge, terrible, dumb mistakes that could have wrought unknown evil - but they always made up. Just about.
5. Our differences bring us together
The Scooby Gang got so big and diverse towards the end it was hard to keep track of who was who. And some of those members - Cordelia, Faith, Andrew, Spike, Anya, Angel - had been previously major adversaries. But in the spirit of forgiveness they were brought back in, and their differences to the core three made them a hell of a lot more enjoyable to be around. Their bitchy humour or snide remarks might not have made them the most obvious fit, but they were good people (or demons) at their core. Everything would be very boring if our friends were just like us.
6. Teamwork is everything
Just as no night out is worth it without the whole gang, the Scoobies were never as strong individually as together. They weren’t all necessarily smart or skilled or loyal, but together they just about had it in them to take on anything. The demons and vampires in the squad also had special knowledge that none of the others could possibly have in on - know thy enemy, etc. They all had individual qualities, even ones that seemed evil or negative, that helped them to win fights up until the very end. When they split off from the gang nothing ever went well - they were safer, and funnier, as a unit.
7. A laugh will get you through anything
Thanks to Joss Whedon’s trademark very-cringey-but-still-usually really-good dialogue, Buffy is nothing if not funny. Through the darkest of times the friends quip and laugh together; making light of circumstances that would otherwise be pretty devastating. They joke when they fight, when people die, when they’re on the brink of disaster. They even managed to have a few laughs when Sunnydale fell into the ground, taking some of their closest friends with it; and that’s the attitude that’ll get you through the tough times.
8. Always appreciate your pals
Yeah, Buffy’s mates weren’t always tippy top on this one either. Failing to appreciate Xander led him to make some bad decisions (like hanging out with criminals) but hey, that’s Xander. He and Willow also gave Buffy far too much shit and didn’t thank her near enough for everything she did (see 3), but when Buffy was awarded with ‘class protector’ at the end of season 3 for saving everyone over the years, she finally felt appreciated. We all cried. If your friend looks cute, did a nice thing for you, or even if she’s done nothing - let her know you love her. She might not be saving your life anytime soon, but she’s still worth it.
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.