Do you ever listen to the radio and wonder where all the men are? Is your listening experience tainted by the sound of womens' voices, straining to be picked up on the mic over all those boobs? Thank god, then, that XFM are rebranding to Radio X, a 'male-focussed' station for 25-44 year old men. They've even nabbed Chris Moyles, that popular man who everyone loves, just to really add the icing to this cake made of both sponge and PR shitstorm.
To help them out, though, we've decided upon a fitting playlist of man songs about being a man that all men can enjoy (women can't, though, because if women listen to man songs then they grow balls and explode. In that order). Enjoy.
Kasabian
All of it, because lads like Kasabian don't they? It's man-music to shave your beard off too. Here's the most masculine example of Kasabian's songa because it contains the line 'I'm a king and you're my queen, bitch' (throughout it's 'I'm a king and SHE'S my queen, bitch' but in the final, euphoric moments of the track the pronoun shifts). Should add that I love Kasabian, and I love this song so watch out man-station I might give you a listen! But I also love Yorkies and McCoys so who am I to pass judgement on anything. I'm basically a big man.
Little Green Bag/Misirlou
It's from the bit in Reservoir Dogs when all the men are in sunglasses walking down a road! Or the bit in Pulp Fiction where Pulp Fiction happens! Tarantino is classic man. VINTAGE man. Man.
Now You're A Man
From the movie Orgazmo (Trey Parker and Matt Stone are geniuses. Genii. Genies) and it really sums up pretty much everything I could ever say. NOW YOU'RE A MAYN A MAYNMAYN A MAYOOON. It's all about the tits, innit.
Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman (Because I'm A Man)
Yeah it's Britney Spears, but it's Britney Spears singing about how she is a man. So it fits. I haven't added anything to the title or stretched the meaning of the song in any way.
Happy Birthday?!
Because I've run out of songs that are specifically man-focused, because man-focused music isn't a thing. Just like man-focused radio isn't a thing. Or rather, it shouldn't be. Silly Radio X, what have you gone and done?
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.