Buffy, Squid Dissections And Dobby Doing Hermione: Nostalgia Wins With Comedy’s Funniest Girl

We popped Mae Martin in a time machine and took her back to her school days and oh my.


by Jess Commons |

If you haven't already had the pleasure, meet Mae Martin, the 27 year old comedian who's about to be very big news.

Hailing from Canada, Mae's already appeared on Russell Howard's Good News, sold out Soho Theatre and has appeared in the Debrief's very own Thinking Out Loud (more to come of that very soon BTW). Now though she's recorded a live album so you (yes you) can download Mae to your mobile telephone device and take her along on your commute.

Since so much of Mae's meterial is about everything you know, love and hate from your childhood, we thought we'd take a trip down memory lane with her to find out what the best of the best was when you were young and why the hell she used to fantasize about a room of grown men with boners crying their eyes out.

The best lesson to actually bother going to

I hated school, I used pretend I had to go pee all the time and then just walk around the halls. I liked my science teacher though. We dissected a squid and this one girl pierced the ink sack with a piece of cartilage from the squid, and then used the ink to write me a note. It just said ‘hey Mae’, it was so gross, she was the gross kid in our class.

The best film that was set in a high school with actors who were all like, actually thirty

She’s All That is really good. And then I loved Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. She's All That has a cameo from Sarah Michelle Geller in it. I liked the horror movies like I Know What You Did Last Summer too because Sarah Michelle Geller’s in that too… I just watched anything she was in and pretended that I liked the movie.

The best fad toy that got banned at school

I had a Furby and you know you can teach it to speak and stuff? They’re meant to sleep at night and mine wouldn’t so I turned it off, like completely off, and then I woke up in the night because it was screaming like it was possessed by the devil. And its eyes were just opening and closing really fast. There were no batteries in it either.

(Side note, this sounds like bullshit, but it's not. This totally happened to my Furby too and I thought I was alone until Mae and I spoke. If anyone wants to join our Furby Survivors Support Group then get in touch. - Jess)

The best game to play in the playground

We used to play house and act out really dramatic stories; there was usually an alcoholic father, and a teen pregnancy. Also we used to have séances in the school toilets and turn off all the lights. And really convince ourselves that like, there was a ghost.

The best mean kid thing you ever did

You know that Bloody Mary thing? We had this ritual where you took a flashlight and you put your hand over it and then your hand would glow red and cast this shadow, and one time my friend Janet did that and on the wall it looked vaguely like a skull and I think we just ostracized her. We were like, ‘you are a spawn of Satan’. Yeah, Janet if she ever reads this – I’m sorry! We didn’t speak to her for days. We were, like, doing the sign of the cross at her.

The best thing to get in your school lunch

If you had sweets at lunch, you were the king of lunchtime, and everyone wanted to trade you. My parents used to pack me lunches that were like a cheese sandwich on white bread, so just cheese and mayonnaise. Cheese and mayonnaise. And then in a separate bag – cheese and crackers. So cheese and carbohydrates.

The best song to sing to yourself in the mirror to feel all the feelings

Mine was a little known song called Walking With The Wounded by Third Eye Blind. I used to lip sync it in my mirror and I would pretend that I was the male lead singer of the band. But the weird thing was that in my fantasy, the whole auditorium was filled with screaming, crying men with boners.

The best teen book series

I was just obsessed with Harry Potter, it was a big part of my life. People send me Harry Potter fan fiction, like stuff that they’ve written and it’s really, really dark. Hermione and Dobby the house elf was pretty bleak.

The best school trip

Umm, oh Pioneers Village? It’s where you see how the pioneers lived in, like, 1800, in Canada. And all the women dressed in like full aprons and you learn how to make bread and you learn how to take wool and make it into thread. We had to dress up like pioneers so all the girls were wearing, like pioneer dresses and I refused so wore like a tweed suit like a Victorian gentleman. I was only eight years old and I remember it caused quite a scandal.

You can download Mae's album here.

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Follow Jess on Twitter @Jess_Commons

This article originally appeared on The Debrief.

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