What were you doing when Calvin Harris released a song with Dizzee Rascal? Not the first one the second one. Don’t know that one? Okay, where were you when he released ‘Sweet Nothing’? It’s the one with Florence Welch from Florence and the Machine and unlike that second rogue Dizzee track, the Florence one was what I would consider a peak in the career of Adam Richard Wiles (Cal’s real name).
This is when, in the public eye, Calvin became more of a fairly fit, functioning adult man who knew his music shit and less of a moody incidental teenage DJ who looked like the lovechild of Pop Idol rivals Gareth Gates and Will Young. Yep, 2012 changed Calvin Harris. It changed me too. I was in my second year of uni, had begun to put less vodka in my journey juice and started to get close to the right people. Not Florence Welch, but I'll pretend they were almost equally as exciting.
Here’s the rest of my life as told by Calvin Harris’s songs on account of him casually announcing a new album featuring the biggest guest list in the world. Feel free to join me on this journey of ‘where were you when…’.
Acceptable in the 80s, 2006
Erm, what’s this and what were the 80s? Calvin who? Oh.
The Girls, 2007
On the minibus to a netball tournament (shout out to my fellow GDs) and this song came on the radio. Everyone was singing along and trying to get our teenage heads behind the lyrics. It’s the one where he lists lots of different type of girl and then repeatedly sings ‘I get all the girls, I get all the girls’.
Not going to lie, wasn’t the biggest fan of the song. Had no real idea who Calvin was, so proceeded to interrupt my team mate’s conversation to make the Hermione Granger toned statement: ‘well if he’s had to make this song, he clearly isn’t getting any girls, is he?’. I’d lol if I wasn’t still haunted by the silence that followed.
I was still finding myself, you guys. And so was Calvin.
I’m Not Alone, 2009
Ah, the experimental artily emotional video. Throwback to those late teenage years when you haven’t fully shaken off the weight of feeling all of the feels at all times but are experimenting with that thing people referred to as ‘joy’. Listen to the lyrics and you’ll understand why this was one of my entry level house party bangers that it was acceptable to outwardly enjoy.
Ready for the Weekend, 2009
This is still the period where Calvin presented himself as a singer as well as a DJ producer person. It was also still the period when I thought I was much cooler than I was. Oh, the parallels between our lives. Also I bet you can’t remember a day in the few months that this song was played all. The. Time. that someone didn’t burst into song every time you mentioned the word ‘weekend’. It was a big year for the development of my eye roll.
Flashback, 2009
‘I’m coming round and now my vision is so clear’, Calvin and I sang, both having now ditched abandoned the shaggy almost sweeping side fringe for a bare, bold forehead. ‘Why can’t I realise I’m fighting for my life’, we belted. But then we did realise. So, we got our acts together. He went on to pursue a vibe that the party people would be more willing to jump around to in sequined bodycon dresses and I realised that even though by now it was about November time it was still okay to be super traumatised by Michael Jackson’s death five months before. The song really should’ve been called Revelation, but whatever Calvin.
You Used To Hold Me, 2010
Oh, this year? What happened this year? Nothing. Like, literally very little. I turned 18 which was very anticlimactic, Clavin released this record which was even more anticlimactic and very little else happened to either of us so we went off to reinvent ourselves.
Bounce ft. Kelis, 2011
Oh, hello collaboration number one. Remember that reinvention we spoke about? This is it. Calvin realised that he just might be more of a team player than a lone wolf in the musical production world so brought out a nostalgically familiar face into the mix. I too half-shed my skin, toddled off to university and rediscovered vodka lemonades. The drop in this song is my last memory of my first experience of Oceana. Rather poetic really.
Let’s Go ft. Ne-Yo, 2012
You know when you borrow your older mate’s work from the year before and rewrite exactly the same thing only swapping the names for different ones. It works, the lecturers are into it, but it’s never really recognised it as yours because ‘you’ve voice just isn’t really there’. I wonder if Calvin and David Guetta stayed friends afterwards.
We’ll Be Coming Back ft. Example, 2012
Aka, We Came Back, Got Hot And Worked Out How To Play The Game. Also, find a partner in crime who looks a little bit like you who people already kind of like to give you a bit of a boost. But, you know.
Sweet Nothing ft. Florence Welch, 2012
If anyone still doesn’t believe that third time’s the charm isn’t a thing needs to revisit Calvin’s 2012. The year he finally landed the right collaboration at the right time. (This was already a big year for Florence, you see.) And by this time in my university career I had worked out that I was better off drinking wine than downing vodka shots at pres if I wanted to be let into whichever shit club we were going to. Wins all around.
Drinking from the Bottle ft Tinie Tempah, 2013
Everyone has a hazy memory of trying to rap along to this song. And I’ll leave it there.
Summer, 2014
You know what, sometimes we all just need some time to ourselves. Some time to remind the world and ourselves that we have a voice too, okay? Meet Calvin’s re-blurring of what his actual musical title with another song that the radio waves went crazy for and the year I broke up with my long-term boyfriend and emerged a completely different (fantastic) person. 2014 It was indeed a great summer.
Blame ft. John Newman, 2014
And then you remember that actually you quite enjoy the company of other humans in your life/music and so introduce someone new to the brand new and improved you. Yes, that means I was in another relationship by this time. Blame it on the night.
This Is What You Came For ft. Rihanna, 2016
After coasting for a couple of years, you normally eventually get the urge to step up your game. So, naturally you survey your friends and chose the most bad ass one to pull you out of your rut. Calvin chose Rih, I chose tequila.
Hype ft. Dizzee Rascal, 2016
The latter half of 2016 was a difficult, confusing time for all of us, wasn’t it? So instead let’s look beyond it back to the first time Calvin and Dizzee more successfully collaborated and forget all of last year’s bad decisions.
Slide ft. Frank Ocean, 2017
My best friend and I have always said (for the duration of 2016) that 2017 would be our year, and by gum it is. Calvin defs thought the same thing. I moved out, started a new job and took control of my life. Calvin slid into some silky R’n’B and hip-hop vibes and decided to make a Harris shaped mark over there too. Game on.
Heatstroke, ft. Young Thug, Pharrell Williams and Ariana Grande, 2017
Calvin: ‘Oh, you thought I was smashing it before? Just wait. Look at all of these super successful personal friends of mine. Ellen DeGeneres’ Oscars selfie ain’t got nothing on me. Taylor Swift’s squad? Don’t make me laugh. Watch this space.
Me: Yeah alright chill out Cal. Like, it's fine. I'm not insecure about my friends or success at all. And you know I don’t think it’s necessary to make such an over the top display of all of these ‘celebrities’ you barely kn-…
**Calvin: **
Me: Fucks sake. Don’t talk to me (but send me the album).
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.