After a long nine-hour slog of pretending to look busy/googling how to do percentage increase/clock-watching, there is nothing more enticing than a sombre commute home with your earphones plugged in, not talking to anyone and thinking about all the carbs you are going to inhale when you get home. Doing things after a long day of being fabulous? No thank you, good sir! Just let me enjoy the lower rungs of Netflix in peace!
But remember when you went to Brownies and embarked on an evening of cross-stitch and promising to be a great person, every Thursday evening at the local village hall? Even though you had double Numeracy and spiky-haired Jake threw your love letter in the bin? You were ready to get that ‘Circus Performer’ badge with more energy flowing through your veins than a peanut butter KitKat Crunchy dipped in hummus. Whilst dressed like a human turd.
Sound familiar? Here are 11 other things you'll remember if you went to Brownies...
1. You were separated by groups (Sixes) named after mythical creatures
Imps, Pixies, Elves, Gnomes... does 2017 Brownies have a group called Ryan Gosling? Asking for a friend.
2. You would get points for your Six and things would get fricken competitive
And definitely sneakily kicked a bossy Seconder in the shins when they got you in trouble with Brown Owl.
3. If you were a ‘Sixer’ you were the envy of all your friends
You were essentially royalty. It meant that you were pretty much the leader of your Six. The only people cooler than you were those who actually managed to make an alien baby from those tubs of slime.
4. If you were a ‘Seconder’ you spent the entire evening hoping your group's Sixer accidentally jabbed her finger with a needle during Cross stitch
‘HURRY UP AND LEAVE SO I CAN RULE.’
5. Wearing more merch than the entire Kylizzle collection.
There were culottes to contend with. A polo, a sweatshirt with ‘brownies’ emblazoned on. Caps. A sash with all your badges, so everyone could see how much of an overachiever you were. Bow down bitches.
6. Rocking your Brownie uniform with utmost pride
Even though you looked like someone had wordlessly chewed an entire bag of Quavers, had a swig of yesterday’s soya latte and projectile vomited mush over a tragic assemble that even the 1800’s would have turned their nose up at for being so dated. (Sorry.)
7. Hearing about the mythical Girl Guides and wistfully thinking ‘one day that could be me’
But then turning 12 and being tempted away from the path of righteousness by the allure of Jane Norman clad cool girls, blue WKDS with straws and a boy referred to as ‘Boulton’, who had the most exquisitely gelled hair in your entire secondary school.
8. Pledging to do ‘One Good Turn’ a day but admitting defeat 6pm
With boys swerving during a game of Kiss Chase and spelling tests that involve words as difficult as ‘definitely’, life is hard enough. Being a nice person can wait.
9. Having Remembrance Day etched in your brain.
It was* the* Brownie calendar date of the year. Similar to Blair Waldorf looking forward to schmoozing at Bart Bass’ Annual Brunch, but without the promise of food, finery and fun. Just erm... singing, shivering and shushing from moustachioed men.
10. Getting cramp in your thumb and fifth finger every time you promised to do your best
Then flashing the hand gesture to any non-brownie at school and guffawing when they hadn’t the foggiest what you were doing. Were you being rude? Hehe. Did you secretly tell them to go get ‘stuffed’ in sign language? Lolz. Can they go and snitch to Miss? No, they cannot! Muggle.
11. Initiation was standing in a circle and dancing around a toadstool
Er… wait a minute. Pause. STOP. We had to do what? Dance around a toadstool as part of initiation? Whilst your peers surrounded you whilst dressed in 50 shades of turd and doing a overzealous Brownie salute at you. A unnervingly-jolly lady who only went by the name ‘Brown Owl’ insisted you study for your ‘Home Studies’ badge after school hours. Grinning. Yup, the best ruddy days of our lives, mate! Take us back!
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Follow Aimee on Instagram: @a1meejakes
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.