Obviously you're gutted if you're not going to Glastonbury. Maybe you couldn't afford the tickets, maybe you were too slow off the mark and forgot to register. Maybe your friends are useless, disorganised weavils who couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery let alone a group outing to the biggest and best festival in the world.
But whatever reason you're not going doesn't really matter because the end result is the same; you're not going to Glastonbury but 200,000 people are and they're going to have the best weekend of their lives.
Except, my friends, you're going to have a better weekend than them. This I promise you. Here's why.
1. The weather
You can't have missed all the pictures today of poor bedraggled millenials trying to pull their shopping trolleys and stuck welly boots out of mud bogs that make the floods in The Day After Tomorrow look tame. Normally it's not OK to feel smug while your fellow man suffers, but in this instance, while you sit in your nice warm (albeit probably mouldy) bedroom or your cosy office knowing that they get to see Adele play? It's all good. Go right ahead.
2. Getting there
People are warning of 20 hour queues for those driving and organisers are asking punters to avoid travelling to the site today. This isn't anything new. Last time I went I sat in queues for 12 hours. The rest of the people in the car got pissed. I was driving so I got angry. Getting away is never fun either. Just imagine queuing outside Castle Cary station in the pouring rain after not sleeping for four days, really needing a wee but not wanting to lose your place in the queue. Fuck that for a bunch of bananas.
3. You've got at least £228 more than the people who are going
Because that's how much tickets cost. Realistically though, when you've forked out for seventeen ciders, a coach trip, fourteen portions of chips and a hackey sack you thought would be a good idea, you're looking more at the £500 mark. Do you know what you can do with that? Well for starters, if you were really nice, you could donate the whole thing to Water Aid, Glastonbury's chosen charity. Or, you could get return flights to Vietnam and go on a lovely holiday.You could also buy this bloody lovely Kenzo dress, or purchase three terms of Spanish lessons. Or be really boring and just like, pay most of your rent for one month.
4. You've got no chance of ending up in the tabloids as 'skimpily dressed festival goer showing off her curves'
Certain news outlets love Glastonbury not because of it's services to charity, it's collective atmosphere of joviality and it's world class musical offerings. No, they love it because it gives them an excuse to post pictures of hot girls wearing not a lot and looking a bit (or a lot) tiddly so that the rest of the UK can pass judgement on their appearance, their fashion and their life choices. Your sofa might not be within earshot of a Grimes set but at least you watching it on tell in your pants eating Doritos isn't going to end up on the front page.
5. You can recreate it at home thanks to @Pandamoanimum
Like this? Then you might also be interested in:
Shit-Covered Tents And Used Tampons: What It's Really Like To Clean Up After Glastonbury
Stuck Somewhere On The A39 To Glastonbury? Here's How To Survive That Loooong Car Journey
Follow Jess on Twitter @Jess_Commons
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.