Anneli lives alone and hasn’t had any human contact for two months. ‘I have never felt this level of loneliness. It feels like a black cloud hanging over me,’ she says.
She works in the travel industry and was furloughed at the beginning of April, so hasn’t had a job to occupy her time. Skype catch-ups with friends do little to dull the pain of a recent break-up.
'As a 37-year-old, single woman I now have fears of never meeting a suitable partner to have a family with,’ she says. ‘Seeing couples isolating together – including my own friends – has made me feel even worse: bitter and angry. I’ve never felt this kind of jealousy about other people’s lives before.’
Alix*, 34, who usually enjoys living alone, has also found too much time to herself during lockdown has been debilitating for her mental health. She’s sought more therapy in the past month than she did in total over the last year.
‘What my therapist calls my “inner demons” (aka my negative thoughts) are given space to run rampant when I’m alone,’ she says. ‘I am lucky, I have a therapist [who she speaks to over Zoom] and a 12-step recovery programme. But the unknown element of this is particularly taxing.’
These two women’s experiences chime with the results of Grazia’s new Life After Lockdown survey, compiled with Instagram as part of our Where’s Your Head At? campaign. Of the 3,000-plus people Grazia spoke to, almost half (47%) said lockdown has had a negative impact on their mental health – with 75% saying they want help and advice for anxiety, depression and loneliness. Some 49% have found being isolated and feeling lonely challenging during this time.
What my therapist calls my “inner demons” (aka my negative thoughts) are given space to run rampant when I’m alone.
Our social media feeds may be full of banana bread-makingenthusiasts but, for many, lockdown has been detrimental to their mental health. Indeed, Claire Murdoch, mental health director of NHS England, believes the impact will be seen for years, while the World Health Organisation last week predicted a looming global mental health crisis caused by the pandemic.
‘I’m having trouble sleeping and my body is aching due to anxiety and tension,’ says Jennifer Constantino, 42, from Essex, who is thinking about seeking medication to help her through. ‘I sometimes feel overwhelmed by what’s happening, mainly because it’s all over the world and we don’t know when things will go back to normal. It’s like there’s nowhere to run to.’
Yet, amid the darkness there have been some positive shifts, as many who had been feeling unfulfilled in their careers have found this time of reflection has galvanised them to do something about it. Grazia’s survey found 63% of women are reassessing their work/life balance since being in lockdown, and 54% are thinking about making a big change in their working life.
Just two weeks ago, Sophie Attwood, 28, from Cheshire, launched a home interiors company, Husoehome, following a career in PR that saw her work late nights with little maternity leave when she had a baby last year. She hopes the change will mean more time with her family. ‘During lockdown, I’ve witnessed my daughter’s first steps, her first words and we’ve spent some amazing quality time together as a family,’ she says.
Karina Banks, 30, a jewellery designer in London, feels relieved to finally have the time to reassess her work/life balance. Pre-lockdown, she lived in ‘a constant state of dissatisfied exhaustion’. ‘Before, it consisted of work, work and work and, in those precious moments between working, I would squeeze in as many social events as possible,’ she says. ‘Now, I certainly plan to maintain the slower pace and focus on the things that matter, like feeling healthy and getting out into nature more often.’
The tangible trail of destruction left by this pandemic will be challenging, but it’s the invisible mental scars that will be felt for longer – and will be harder to heal. Yet, if this traumatic period has at least led some to reassess what matters most to them in life, perhaps a silver lining does exist.
*Name has been changed
For more help and support around mental health issues, go to wheresyourheadat.org.
Join us on Grazia’s Instagram page during Mental Health Awareness Week for a special series of Get (Your Head) Together events in partnership with Instagram, featuring Mother Pukka, Katie Piper, trainer Alice Liveing, Trinny Woodall and more.