Never tried a menstrual cup me. They seem like a really good idea; they're economical, environmentally friendly, and don't have things like pesticides and crude oil in like your tampons might do. Which is good, because putting pesticides in your vagina is probably not recommended by any doctors anywhere.
So. Menstrual cups were seeming like a good option. That is, until I read one girl's epic menstrual cup adventure that she posted on Reddit yesterday.
In case you're still not sure what a menstrual cup is, it's a little plastic cup thing that you insert into your vagina during your period which catches the blood. You're meant to remove and dispose of the waste every eight or so hours before re-inserting it.
Mamishi's (the user) story has become one of the most read things on Reddit in the past 24 hours. And for good reason too.
She purchased a menstrual cup for much the same reasons I outlined above and also added that she'd read some pretty good good stuff about it on the www.
When the time came for her to use said menstrual cup she says she 'pushed the slippy little thing up me just as every YouTube video had instructed me to. Folded it like an origami crane, straddled the toilet like the strong cowgirl I was, and twisted and adjusted this little silicone device that was supposed to change my menstrual life for the better.'
The trouble was, Mamishi has a self-diagnosed 'very high cervix'. Which meant that the mooncup sat higher than normal and out of reach of her (as she puts it) 'tiny baby fingers'. It was stuck.
To add fuel to the fire, Mamishi says she has an unusually heavy flow. She reckons she bleeds in a few hours what most girls bleed in a cycle. This meant the longer it was stuck, the more chance for overflow there was. 'My bathroom was starting to look like a murder scene,' She writes. 'I was trying my hardest to reach into myself and fish this cup out, splattering blood with every twist.'
She tried Googling what to do. But nothing worked.
After an hour (during which time she says she imagined a new life where she and the menstrual cup had become 'one') she had to rope in the efforts of her boyfriend.
'It was now a two person effort. In the most non-sexual and clinical manner, I stood bottomless in front of my partner. We discussed a plan of action. I braced myself against his shoulders and spread myself as wide as I could manually. He had two finders in me, barely grasping at the slippery silicone. I started baring down, pushing, using my last amounts of energy to concieve this awful contraption from me. THIS THING WAS COMING OUT EVEN IF IT WAS THE LAST THING I EVER DID.'
**Long story short, in the end it worked. Although not before a now very overfull cup was flung across the room. Both participants were covered in blood, as was the sink, the toilet and the floor. Mamishi says she realised that she was 'never going to achieve a deeper level of intimacy with any other man ever.'
Surprisingly, Mamishi still uses a menstrual cup. Just a different brand. And she loves it.
Three cheers for menstrual cups for being A) effective and B) the potential to be very, very funny.
Read the full story here.
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Guy 'Syncs' Period With His Best Friend. Has To Take Sick Days. Really.
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.