Woman Goes Viral After Sharing Letter She Sent To Friends Outlining How Much it Would Cost Them To Be Her Bridesmaid

A Tiktoker from Texas has gone viral for sharing a letter she sent to her bridesmaids outlining the commitment she expects from them when it comes to the cost of her wedding and their time.

Lisa Torres shared on TikTok on how she wanted to be ‘completely honest’ with her potential Bridesmaids on how much it was going to cost for them to be a part of her big day.

The TikTok star@lisalovesrandom talks about how she sent each potential bridesmaid a personalised box with a two page letter in it. The letter outlined what she would and would't be willing to pay for herself, and the time commitments she expected - for example, she wouldn't expected her bridesmaids to accompany her wedding dress shopping if they lived more than an hour away, and that she would cover hair and makeup just not the cost of her bridesmaid dresses. This, she reasoned, meant they were able to make an informed decision as to whether they wanted to accept the invitation of being a Bridesmaid. Lisa said: “So I told them if they lived over an hour away, they didn’t have to worry about making it to the bridal shower or to go wedding dress shopping with me.”

The letter was sent in a box including cute touches such as a personalised water bottle and even a bracelet her bridesmaids could wear on their wedding day. Regardless of whether they accepted the offer to be a ‘part of her big day’.

Lisa stated her reasoning behind the letter was to ‘normalize the bride’s expectations of their bridesmaids party, alongside the bridesmaid power to deny or accept the commitment.

Since Lisa’s video, there has been an online debate with some users commenting: ‘Such a great idea- very mature.’ and ‘I would have loved if someone had asked me this – making me feel so much less stressed.’

However, a lot of users commented things along the lines ‘whoever is getting married should cover the costs of the wedding. Simple’

We know that average costs of hen parties have massively increased over the years with many brides travelling overseas for weekend hen dos rather than sticking to a celebratory one night. With weddings set to soar after being put on hold for the last year and half this begs the question– do we need to be more transparent with our family and friends about the cost requirements of weddings?

Research by Vouchercodes.co.uklast year revealed the following breakdown for the average cost of attending a hen party in the UK is £171. This is across food, drink, travel, and activities. If these costs just reflect the hen do, then do we need a wider discussion about how much weddings are costing for bridesmaids, when we take into consider hair, makeup and dresses. Alongside their families and friends of the bridesmaid costs of attending the wedding.

Do we start normalizing that being a bridesmaid is in fact a commitment and one of that should not automatically be assumed by the bride that her bridesmaids may want to take on. Wedding’s bring together people from a variety of class backgrounds: friends from university, childhood friends, extended family with everyone having their personal financial circumstances. Could a letter setting out the costs be a solution to people feeling financial pressure to participate and could your friendship survive it?

I wonder if the one friend that declined to be Lisa’s bridesmaid after the letter felt ostracised at all.