It started with a WhatsApp exchange, arranging our firstpicnic of the year. First, a flurry of excitable messages; then an uncomfortable silence as everyone read my last point. After a friend divvied up olives, houmous and cheeses between us, I questioned whether we should be sharing food if we’re trying to socially distance. Five minutes later came the reply: ‘Let’s not meet; you’ve made me feel inconsiderate.’
Welcome to the Socially-Distanced Squabble (SDS), a by-product of our newfound dilemma over how strict a social distancer anyone outside our household is. My first SDS triggered a wave of existential doubt: have I emerged from this pandemic a killjoy square, too fearful to use the same corkscrew as a friend I’ve known for years? Indeed, the SDS has the potential to tighten friendships – or drive us apart.
Talking to someone about how seriously they are socially distancing is a delicate task but will soon become as necessary as asking whether they’re vegetarian.
Talking to someone about how seriously they are socially distancing is a delicate task but will soon become as necessary as asking whether they’re vegetarian. As an easing of restrictions means we can go to the pub again from this weekend, some are making plans like it’s, well, three months ago, while others continue to hose down every leaflet that comes through the letterbox.
To confuse matters further, we’re all on the same side here: no one wants to spread a disease or see a family member fall ill. We just have different ideas about how to get on with our lives. So, here are the six Socially-Distanced Squabbles you might soon be getting into...
The over-friendly friend
This time last year, you were squeezing into toilet cubicles with her on nights out and you’ve slept top-to-tail in tents at festivals. But now she thinks it’s a joke when you duck her hug and lean away when she shows you pictures on her phone. Back off, germ- spreader! Don’t make me call the police.
The dating app rule-breaker
He slid into your DMs during peak lockdown when you suddenly felt compelled to find The One, and you’ve been FaceTiming sporadically since. Sure, you’ve had phone sex, but now he somehow thinks being allowed to meet outdoors means he can come and stay the night. Is it weird to argue with a new boyfriend before you’ve met him IRL?
The mum mafia
You’re counting down the minutes until the school gates reopen and you can pack them off back to class (sod the two-metre rule if it means you can drop the home-schooling and get some work done!). But you find your former playground pals won’t be letting their precious progeny near the classroom until a vaccine has been found – and every human on Earth immunised. The debate could turn nasty, so figure out whose views align with yours and say sayonara to the rest until 2021.
The gung-ho grandparents
They’re in their seventies and have a dodgy heart and asthma between them, and yet they’re the ones trying to persuade you they can make the 300-mile round trip to see the grandchildren without anyone needing to worry. You’ve spent the past couple of months shouting down the phone at them that, for God’s sake, visiting friends’ gardens doesn’t count as ‘essential’. You’re not sure you have the energy to fight them now the rules have been relaxed.
The family feud
One parent is desperate for the family to go on socially-distanced walks and picnics. A sister’s 40th? We can easily pop by and wave hello! But the other is hyper-vigilant and risk-averse. Approach with extreme caution: the former is sure to be economical with the truth about their daily ‘solo walk’, ensuring they’ll be at loggerheads for weeks to come.
The rebellious housemate
Whenever they tip-toe back in smelling of alcohol and perfume you know it’s unlikely they’ve been in the Sainsbury’s queue for the past three hours. You never signed up to be ‘the sensible one’, but when their disregard for the rules is endangering lives it’s making you compulsively clean more – and review your house-share when all this is finally over.
Life After Lockdown
Life After Lockdown in Pictures - Grazia
1 of 47New York, USA
The Cafe du Soleil sets up igloos outside for its diners to allow for social distancing.
2 of 47Catania, Italy
Sara, who has just given birth to baby Olivia, wears a protective mask as father Angelo takes a picture of his new daughter through a glass wall.
3 of 47Paris, France
Students exercise outside as they return to school on 15 May.
4 of 47Krakow, Poland
A dental hygienist wearing PPE welcomes patient at a dentist's office in Krakow on 15 May.
5 of 47New York, New York, USA
Social distancing circles are used at Domino Park in Brooklyn, New York on 15 May.
6 of 47Johannesburg, South Africa
Social distancing markers are displayed at a train station in Johannesburg, South Africa on 4 May.
7 of 47Auckland, New Zealand
Martyn Weatherill, principal of Laingholm Primary School in Auckland, hosts an online assembly with students in their classrooms on the first day back to school on 18 May.
8 of 47Berlin, Germany
Bayern Munich substitutes wear protective face masks and maintain social distance in the stands during the Bundesliga match between 1. FC Union Berlin and FC Bayern Muenchen at Stadion An der Alten Foersterei on 17 May. The Bundesliga and Second Bundesliga is the first professional league to resume the season after the nationwide lockdown; all matches until the end of the season will be played behind closed doors.
9 of 47Dallas, Texas, USA
A sink in a public toilet is blocked off in an attempt to promote social distancing.
10 of 47London, UK
An empty Waterloo station shows a sign encouraging social distancing on 18 May.
11 of 47San Francisco, California, USA
A temporary tent encampment for the homeless with tents at an acceptable distance from each other is opened in San Francisco.
12 of 47Berlin, Germany
Markings are placed on the floor at a primary school in Berlin as primary school pupils and tenth graders began returning to school.
13 of 47Krakow, Poland
A sign at the entrance to the Manggha Museum of Japanese Art and Technology in Krakow reads, 'Do Not Enter Without A Mask' and 'Keep A Safe Distance.'
14 of 47Paris, France
Gare de nord station in Paris has marks on the ground to show the appropriate social distance between people.
15 of 47Granada, Spain
A zebra crossing sports a sign that recommends keeping two meters away from other people on the first day that Granada begins Phase 1 of progressive return to normal life on 18 May.
16 of 47Alimos, Greece
Beachgoers enjoy the sun and sand at Anavisos beach on 16 May as organised beaches are allowed to be reopened in Greece.
17 of 47Innsbruck, Austria
Hairdressers wash customer's hair on 2 May 2020 in Innsbruck, Austria after hair salons and barber shops reopen after a seven-week lockdown. Customers and employees must wear masks and have to keep as much distance as possible.
18 of 47Tel Aviv, Israel
A young girl wearing a mask plays on the playground during the first day of school on 5 May 2020 after over a month and a half that schools were closed.
19 of 47Hermosillo, Mexico
A doctor from the state health sector speaks to a federal police officer who is supervising the information to prevent contagion amid the COVID-19 pandemic at Hermosillo International Airport on 2 May 2020. Hermosillo International Airport is operating normally while taking preventive measures to curb the spread of COVID-19.
20 of 47Venice, Italy
Demonstrators in Venice asks for the restrictions around bars, restaurants and other commercial activities be lifted on 4 May 2020.
21 of 47Shanghai, China
Shanghai Disneyland utilises 'social Distancing' queues for its reopening on 4 May 2020.
22 of 47Dusseldorf, Germany
Janine Scholz and Philip Scholz are married in a wedding ceremony at the Autokino Dusseldorf drive-in cinema on 5 May 2020. A total of three couples are marrying at the drive-in with friends and family members allowed to attend in their cars.
23 of 47Munich, Germany
Churchgoers arrive Frauenkirche 'Cathedral of Our Lady' cathedral for evening mass on the first day churches and other houses of worship are allowed to hold services again in Bavaria since March on 4 May 2020.
24 of 47Dresden, Germany
Visitors, only some of whom are wearing face masks, wait to enter the Zwinger palace complex as a poster showing Adam and Eve wearing masks hangs at the entrance on the first day the palace reopened to the public.
25 of 47Athens, Greece
A commuters, wearing protective face masks, sits on a bus on 4 May 2020.
26 of 47Barcelona, Spain
People watch the sunset at La Barceloneta Beach on 2 May 2020. In Spain, lockdown measures have continued to ease and walking with family members and outdoor exercise is now permitted from 6-10am and from 8-11pm.
27 of 47Tel Aviv, Isreal
Year 3 children return to school for the fist time in over a month and a half on 5 May 2020 in Tel Aviv, Israel.
28 of 47Huntington Village, New York, USA
A family receives a delivery of beer from the Six Harbors Brewery, who have trained their two golden retrievers, Buddy and Barley, to deliver beer to customers during the pandemic.
29 of 47Miami, Florida
Jose Morales sanitizes buckets of golf balls at the Miami Beach Golf Club on 29 April 2020 as the city of Miami Beach partially reopens parks and facilities including golf courses, tennis courts and marinas.
30 of 47Sydney, Australia
Surfers prepare to enter the water at Bondi Beach on 3 May 2020. Currently, 'Surf & Go' measures are in place for weekends and there is no beach access allowed except along designated pathways to the water for surfcraft use only.
31 of 47Wuhan, China
People wear protective masks while practicing dance near the Yangtze River 1 May 2020 as life returns to normal in Wuhan, China.
32 of 47Las Vegas, Nevada, USA
Prototype clear acrylic safety shield dividers are tested at a blackjack table at the El Cortez Hotel & Casino, which is currently closed as a result of the statewide shutdown.
33 of 47Gold Coast, Australia
From 2 May 2020, the Queensland government eased lockdown measures to allow people to leave their homes for recreational activities, such as motorbiking or boating, picnics, visiting national parks or going shopping for non-essential items. Social distancing must still be observed and people must stay within 50km of their main residence.
34 of 47Miami Florida
Miami Beach, Florida has partially reopened parks and facilities including golf courses, tennis courts and marinas as it begins easing lockdown restrictions.
35 of 47Naples, Italy
A woman has her temperature taken upon arrival at Naples' Central Station 4 May 4 2020.
36 of 47Auckland, New Zealand
As schools prepare for students up to Year 10 who can't study from home or whose parents need to return to work to return to school, a teacher write Covid-19 instructions on the white board.
37 of 47Miami, Florida
People share alcohol-based hand sanitszer in South Pointe Park on 29 April 2020.
38 of 47Vienna, Austria
Shoppers rush into a clothing store, which has opened for the first time since the government imposed restrictions to slow the spread of coronavirus on 2 May 2020.
39 of 47Amsterdam, The Netherlands
Restaurant Mediamatic in Amsterdam offers what they call 'corona-proof' dining.
40 of 47Bangkok, Thailand
A taxi driver tries to protect himself with a plastic shield after Thailand's lockdown was partially lifted on 3 May 2020 allowing markets, parks, barber shops and restaurants to open with proper social distancing measures.
41 of 47Taipei, Taiwan
Students eat their lunch on desks with plastic partitions as a preventive measure at Dajia Elementary School in Taipei on 29 April 2020.
42 of 47Moscow, Russia
A couple has their temperature taken before their wedding ceremony at Moscow's No1 Civil Registry Office on the first Sunday after Orthodox Easter.
43 of 47Moscow, Russia
The couple shows off their wedding rings to a phone, as currently, relatives and friends are not allowed to attend marriage ceremonies due to safety measures aimed at countering the spread of the disease.
44 of 47Milan, Italy
As the lockdown ends in Italy, the government has allowed bars and restaurants to reopen exclusively for take-away food.
45 of 47Krakow, Poland
A kiosk worker wears a protective face mask as he speaks to a customer from inside an electronic point covered with plastic inside Kazimierz Shopping mall on 4 May 2020.
46 of 47Atlanta, Georgia, USA
Surin Nguyen, wearing protection gear, works on the nails of a customer at Allure Nail Bar in Atlanta, Georgia on 21 April 2020 after Governor Brian Kemp eased restrictions allowing some businesses, including hair and nail salons, to reopen in the US state of Georgia after a four-week lockdown.
47 of 47Bozeman, Montana, USA
Kurt Smith wears a mask while helping a customer at the recently reopened Schnee's Boots, Shoes and Outdoors on 4 May 2020.