As per usualReddit behaviourwith her partner of four years, and what to do about signing the paperwork that comes along with it.
She explains that they started living together two years ago in her department, but she recently started anew job with a shiny $80k (£60k) salary to play with. Since then, she’s been pretty desperate to get out of their small apartment and move into a larger house, but her boyfriend ‘doesn’t share the same work ethic’ she does, and earns significantly less than her.
‘He’s had about eight different jobs in the four years we have been together, all making minimum wage,’ she explains. ‘I brought up getting a house and he was totally on board with it so we started house hunting. I have enough in my savings for a down payment and to cover all the closing costs but my boyfriend doesn’t have any savings and lives paycheck to paycheck. We currently split our rent 50/50 and he pays his bills (car payment, insurance, etc.) on his own and I pick up all the groceries, wifi, dog stuff. I’m totally fine with the fact I pick up more expenses since I make more than him and he’s never complained. When we were looking for a house we kept the price range small enough to where I could pay for it alone so we could use his earrings as extra cash.’
The couple agreed to split the mortgage 50/50 and she would pay the water, electricity, home insurance, and other outgoings. But, they finally found their dream house and she’s starting to feel reserved about doing such a 50/50 split.
‘We are going to be signing the papers in a couple of weeks. I mentioned to him that I would like to be the only name on the home since we are buying it with my savings and we aren’t married and don’t plan to be married anytime soon. He is now upset with me about it because it’s supposed to be ‘our house’. I’ve told him that it is OUR house but legally it will just be mine because I don’t want to put $400k on the line.’
When asking if she is the asshole in the situation, most of the commenters agree to a firm ‘definitely not’. One person claiming to be a lawyer in the comments says this is the decision ‘any smart, sane person would make’ while another commenter says ‘this would be a very dumb move with huge risk to you. If/when you get married, then you can talk to attorneys and figure out how he can buy into the house in a way that takes his previous rent payments into account. I get that he’s upset he won’t have any equity, but that can come later.’
'He said if it’s just going to be my house that he shouldn’t have to pay to live there. I disagree'
Unfortunately, this opinion deeply upset the 22-year-old's boyfriend. ‘He said if it’s just going to be my house that he shouldn’t have to pay to live there. I disagree, it would be like paying rent anywhere else and if we get married, we will change the agreement. He hasn’t talked to me for three days now and I really don’t think I’m in the wrong here.’
But some commenters have pointed out that if the two people’s genders were reversed, they might feel differently about the situation. I understand this, and so does the original poster by the looks of the conversations in the thread. Purchasing housing can cause a lot of unexpected friction in a relationship when the two people have vastly different incomes. And even if you’re paying for most of the overheads and carrying a lot of the financial responsibility in a relationship, you always want your partner to feel at home.
However, in a world where most women don’t have the ability to be financially independent, one in five women in full-time workers say they are financially dependent on their partner and the gender pay gap is 15.5%, I don’t blame this woman - who is a rarity in that she outearns her boyfriend by miles and is capable of financial independence - for protecting her assets.
It’s easy to understand how not being on the paperwork might make you feel isolated from time to time and there’s bound to be some pressure when the salaries in a relationship are so far apart, but the stats speak for themselves: this situation is a rarity. And if anything, I think he should be celebrating that.
Like most of the commenters, I vote ‘not the asshole’. The original poster’s boyfriend can work a little extra and slowly buy his way into the property later down the line if they would like to, but for now, he should be grateful for getting an incredible home he hasn’t had to chip in for the deposit for and be enormously proud of his girlfriend for landing an $80k job and buying them an entire house on her own at 22.
READ MORE::a[A Man Who Took His Female Friend On A £1,000 Date Instead Of His Girlfriend Wants To Know, Is He An Arsehole?]{href='https://graziadaily.co.uk/life/in-the-news/aita-reddit-relationships/' target='_blank' rel='nofollow noopener noreferrer'}