AITA (Am I The Asshole) is the Reddit court of public opinion, where people can ask whether they’re being an arsehole. Often the answer is 'yes'. But in the case of a post from yesterday, the answer isn’t just NTA (not the arsehole) but, ‘Please for the love of all that is good and holy, run away.’
The anonymous poster writes: ‘My husband and I are expecting our first child, which I knew would be a really sensitive issue as his own mother died in childbirth with him… he and his father (a hugely active part of our lives) are COMPLETELY convinced that I’m going to die in childbirth. They won’t openly admit it, but their behavior has reached the point where it’s constantly making me feel stressed and uncomfortable.’
Lots of people struggle with their relationship or wider family during pregnancy, but what the poster goes on to describe is a whole lot darker than pointed comments about eating healthily.
It apparently started with her husband pushing her to do various types of depressing admin, like making a will. She writes: ‘When it was my husband saying, “Please make sure your life insurance is up to date”, and, “I’d like you to meet with a lawyer and draft a will”, I was like, “That’s kind of intense but OK, if that makes you feel better”’
Things then get stranger. ‘When my husband asked me to go through all of my possessions and “inventory” what I wanted to be saved for the baby vs. what I would want to be returned to my family in the event of my death, I put my foot down and said absolutely not. Too morbid. No way.’
‘My FIL (who lives a few blocks away and eats dinner with us 2-4 nights a week) got on my case about how I was making things “difficult” for my husband in the event that he will be a grieving widower with a newborn. I’m just gonna add here that I’ve had a completely complication-free pregnancy and have NO REASON to think I will die screaming in the coming weeks.’
For a few hours the woman, posting as MorbidMommy1, was active on the thread, providing further explanation, for instance that her father-in-law was actively trying to prevent her from accessing pain relief during labour, and that her husband had argued that they ‘each’ needed a support person in the delivery room - for her it would be the husband, for the husband it would be his father.
Unusually for the internet, every single reply on the thread is in support of the expectant mum, telling her that she needs to set down some very firm boundaries, or even that she needs to remove herself from a potentially dangerous situation.
Some of the comments suggest that the father-in-law and husband might be planning to harm the woman after she gives birth to serve their desire to replicate the son's own childhood. And while that might sound like a conspiracy theory, the number one killer of pregnant women in the USA is homicide by a current or former partner, whereas childbirth kills 18 in every 100,000 women. So while hopefully this is an example of two people with unresolved trauma going into overdrive, it’s not unreasonable to be worried about this woman’s safety.
The original poster seems to have stopped commenting on the thread, so there hasn’t been any update as to what, if anything, she had decided to do. Various commenters have requested that Reddit attempt to trace her, to check that she's okay.
If you are worried that someone in your life may be subject to abuse, you can contact Refugefor advice, or register a concern with the police.
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