This week, many of are sipping our first wine in a pub, getting our hair done, seeing friends for an outdoor meal and perhaps even looking forward to a weekend at an Airbnb. But mixed in with the sheer joy of these long-awaited liberties is a hell of a lot of anxiety. If I’m honest, I feel more anxious now than at any other point during the past year, which seems crazy and ungrateful - why can’t I just relax and enjoy the prospect of all the things I’ve missed for so long?
Then I start hearing similar murmurs from other friends. 'Thinking about more than one social engagement a weekend makes me panic,' confesses my friend Jess, who had a baby with her wife Maeve in lockdown. 'We’ve become so used to our little bubble, and it’s scary to step out of this comfort zone.'
According to psychologist Alex Frenkel, co-founder of the AR mental health app Kai, this is more natural than it sounds. 'After being in and out of a lockdown over the past year, the thought of having the opportunity to do activities we once longed for feels very scary,' he says. 'Socialising is no longer "the norm", and as bizarre as it sounds, the fight-or-flight response can be alerted by daily stressors that aren’t necessarily threatening. The COVID-19 pandemic has increased these feelings for many people.'
Now I’m suddenly faced with pressing ‘play’ on my life again, and I’m not sure I 100% have the plot worked out
On top of this, anxiety itself has an effect on our ability to cope. 'Experiencing feelings of stress or anxiety results in poor memory performance and can actually consume your ability to multitask,' he explains. 'As lockdown lifts, this forces us to keep adding to our to do list, therefore enforcing a prolonged state of increased stress, and we’re all working harder to stay focused.'
But there’s more to this than social anxiety, or panicking about time management and opening up our calendars again. For many of us, lockdown felt like a ‘pause’ button that we had to patiently live through, but now I’m suddenly faced with pressing ‘play’ on my life again, and I’m not sure I 100% have the plot worked out.
'Having lived a monotonous routine for a year, people are putting pressure on themselves to not "miss out", which is creating a ripple of anxiety which stems from stress,' suggests Alex. I know that suddenly, I’m questioning whether I live in the right place, how I want my career to progress, and what is even possible in this mid-pandemic world.
And I’m not the only one feeling this way. 'I’ve been able to bury my head in the sand for months about my job, but now I have to face an office environment that wasn’t really working for me,' says Lisa, who works for an arts charity. 'Suddenly I need to confront all the problems about my life I’ve been able to ignore for the past few months, and just thinking about this makes me hyperventilate.'
When I spoke to my friend Katie, who works for the NHS, I blurt out, 'Everything I was excited about now comes with a side helping of dread.'
'Suddenly I need to confront all the problems about my life I’ve been able to ignore for the past few months, and just thinking about this makes me hyperventilate'
Instead of rolling her eyes, she nods. 'Most frontline workers feel the same,' she says. 'We’re tired, and we’re terrified that numbers will rise again, and so it’s really hard to get into the party spirit.'
As clinical psychologist Dr Jessamy Hibberd, author of The Imposter Cure, says, 'This year has been so stop-start that many of us are struggling to trust that we’re really out of the worst. And none of us really know what life will be like now, so there is still a lot of uncertainty, and uncertainty is exhausting.'
According to Alex Frenkel, psychologists are agreed that the impact of the stress of the last year might linger after the pandemic subsides. 'To cope with these feelings, it’s important to understand your own personal triggers of stress,' he says. 'Try to focus on the present, taking time each day to bring your awareness back to the present moment and what you’re grateful for, with mindful breathing techniques.' And most of all, don’t feel like you’re alone. In an abnormal year, any response we’re having is completely normal.
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