Given that Christmas is, for most of us, the season of giving (AKA buying) presents, it’s probably no surprise that the festive season is knee-deep in adverts. You’ve got the John Lewis weepy, the Coca-Cola ‘oh my God it’s actually nearly Christmas’, and every year there’s one festive short which manages to set the internet alive. Last year it was Robert Dyas’s inexplicable LGBTQ+ Christmas and this year it is, without a doubt, the Peloton advert
A Peloton, if you weren’t aware, is an exercise bike that enables you to attend a spinning class without actually attending a spinning class.
The advert shows a woman who is given a Peloton for Christmas and becomes obsessed with spinning and the virtual classes, which is apparently a really good thing and makes her very happy. She cycles away in her pristine house while spending time with her pristine child and wearing nice leisurewear. She gets up at 6am to cycle or jumps on the bike as soon as she gets home from work.
I mean, what says Christmas better than the gift of unpaid domestic labour and a subliminal message that your perfect body isn't perfect enough?
What could be more exciting than a gift that enables you to pour what little free time you have into a home spinning class?
Everything about the advert bears an uncanny resemblance to an episode of Black Mirror. Not least the part where a man buys his wife an exercise bike for Christmas and she’s happy rather than offended and seething.
For the avoidance of doubt, if your partner has not specifically asked you to buy her a Peloton for Christmas, then she does not want one. Work-out equipment falls into the same category as kitchenware, cleaning supplies or sexy lingerie.
If you have not been told SPECIFICALLY that it’s what your other half wants, for God’s sake don’t buy it. And even if they do want a vacuum cleaner, it should be purchased as a shared household essential, not a lovely gift. It’s not 1959.
Given that it retails for £1,990 for the ‘basics’ package, or £2029 for the ‘essentials’ package, the Peloton is hardly a cheap gift. Plus, if it seems like you’re trying to send a message that your other half needs to work out more, it might actually end up costing you one relationship.
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