I remember looking at the news coming out of China over Christmas and it seemed terrible but a million miles away. Now the drumbeat of the virus growing here in the UK (and the world) is ever louder and more disturbing. We have been thrown onto an unknown and unwelcome landscape, no-man’s land, for which we do not have our usual scientific or technological map.
This is a seismic change, which will bring with it all the usual emotions of sudden and unexpected change; shock, fear and fury. How do we manage this to ensure we bend with the events storming around us, and ensure they don’t break us?
Firstly, we have to recognise that whatever our response is, that it is normal. Change always brings a lot of feelings, discomfort at one end of the spectrum, sheer terror at the other. We will all have an automatic response, learned in childhood, which will be triggered by the increasingly bad news. It is helpful to become aware of what our own response is and find ways to support ourselves in it. Don’t block it out through busyness or other anaesthetics such as drugs or alcohol.
One of the simplest and most helpful ways to do that is to write down the whirring competing thoughts in your head. Try to disentangle what is a thought and what is a feeling, which can give you clarity and calm the panic in your mind.
Exercise, even for 10 minutes a day, decreases the stress fight/flight/freeze hormone in your body and increases the calming hormone. It is the 100% failsafe guaranteed way to help you feel better. Whilst we can still go outside you get added benefit from being in the open air, and even more being in the green of a park.
Every time you turn on the kettle, while you are waiting breath in for 7 and out for 11
Breathe. We may well be tired of being told to breathe, to be more mindful, to slow down. But this is the time to take heed. It is the vital tool in your battalion of not tipping over into panic. One of the simplest methods of slowing yourself down through breathing, is to breath in for seven and out for 11. You don’t have to be cross-legged and thinking of higher things for hours; even doing this 10 times (which will take a few minutes) will calm your whole system. It might be helpful to attach it to a regular habit you already have – like making a cup of tea or coffee. Every time you turn on the kettle, while you are waiting breath in for seven and out for 11.
Asking a million questions to try and foretell your future, in an attempt to protect yourself, is a direct route to madness. Accept that we do not have the answers right now. Paradoxically, the more you can accept the aspects of this you cannot change, the more likely it is that you will be resilient. So keep your skyline short, focus on what will happen today and the next few days. Structure helps, even simple structures like when you will eat, exercise and work, it gives you a calming sense of stability when you have been robbed of all of your usual routines.
Intentionally, do the things that comfort you. Choosing to have a delicious bath, or listen to your favourite music, cook your ‘go to’ comfort food helps when you are hit by waves of anxiety. And hit by them you will be, but again, breathe, let them wash over you as you stir your pot or lie in your bath, and then turn your attention back to what you are doing in this moment. Take pleasure in the small things. Having an attitude of gratitude for these small moments helps feed your soul and calm your mind.
Finally, and most importantly, it is love that heals and matters to us most. Be kind to yourself and those around you. Spend time with people you love, even if it has to be online.
Julia Samuel is a psychotherapist and author of This Too Shall Pass: Stories of Change, Crisis and Hopeful Beginnings.
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What It's Like To Navigate Coronavirus When You Suffer From Health Anxiety