What Does A Woman Have To Do To Win An Oscar?

It seems clear from the latest round of Oscar nominations, which favour films such as 1917, The Joker and Once Upon A Time In Hollywood but ignore erstwhile awards favourite Hustlers, that the best way to win an Oscar is to be a bloke in a violent or depressing film. If you do have the audacity to be a woman trying to win an award, you'll need to get out the micellar water.

Case in point, Jennifer Lopez. By all accounts, she does a phenomenal job as an actress and performer in Hustlers. And yet she’s been left out in the cold all awards season. Why? Well, comparing her to the women who have been nominated, it’s hard not to reach the conclusion that it’s because she played a conventionally attractive, very sexy sex worker in a not totally depressing film.

In 2005, Kate Winslet played a parody of herself in an episode of Ricky Gervais’ Extras, starring as a nun who hides Jewish people during World War II. Discussing the role, she says: I’ve noticed that if you do a film about the Holocaust you’re guarenteed an Oscar. I’ve been nominated for an Oscar four times and I haven’t won one. The whole world is saying, “why hasn’t Winslet won one? Schindler’s List, The Pianist, Oscars coming out of their arses”’.

Prophetic, it seems, as a decade later she was awarded the Academy Award for playing a Nazi in The Reader.

To illustrate the way that woman are obliged to select roles if they want to win awards, we looked at the last 25 years of best actress Oscar nominations, to work out what it is that a woman needs to do in order to win an Oscar.

Susan Sarandon - Dead Man Walking

Played a nun, based on a real person, wore no make up*.

Frances McDormand - Fargo

Played a pregnant police woman. Wore no make up.

Helen Hunt - As Good As It Gets

Played an overworked single mother. Wore no make up.

Gwyneth Paltrow - Shakespeare in Love

Spent half the film playing a boy, wore no make up

Hilary Swank - Boys Don’t Cry

Plays a trans man. Wore no make up.

Julia Roberts - Erin Brockovich

Plays a struggling single mother, wore quite a lot of make up.

Halle Berry - Monster’s Ball

Played a prison guard. Wore no make up.

Nicole Kidman - The Hours

Played Virgina Woolf. Wore no make up, but prosthetics.

Charlize Theron - Monster

Played a murderer. Wore no make up but gained weight for the role.

Hilary Swank - Million Dollar Baby

Played an aspiring boxer who eventually dies by assited suicide. No make up.

Reese Witherspoon - Walk The Line

Played June Carter. Wore make up. Sang.

Helen Mirren - The Queen

Played The Queen, wore a bit of Queen-y make up.

Marion Cotillard - La Vie En Rose

Played Edith Piaf throughout her entire life, including when she was disabled. Wore some make up.

Kate Winslet - The Reader

Plays an illiterate ex-Nazi. No make up.

Sandra Bullock - The Blind Side

Plays a suburban mother who adopts a young African American man. Unflattering hair and make up.

Natalie Portman - Black Swan

Plays a ballerina with mental health issues. Significant weight loss and only stage make up.

Meryl Streep - The Iron Lady

Plays Margaret Thatcher.

Jennifer Lawrence - Silver Linings Playbook

Plays Tiffany, who has bi-polar and doesn’t wear much make up.

Cate Blanchett - Blue Jasmine

Plays a socialite who loses all of her money in a Woody Allen film. Wore some make up.

Julianne Moore - Still Alice

Plays a woman with early onset Alzeimers. No make up.

Brie Larson - Room

Plays a woman who was abducted as a teenager, raped and lives in captivity. No make up.

Emma Stone - La La Land

Plays an actress in LA. Wears some make up.

Frances McDormand - Billboards

Plays a woman whose daughter was raped and murdered. Wears no make up.

Olivia Colman - The Favourite

Plays Queen Anne. Wears no make up

*No make up in the sense that it’s designed to look like a make up free face, rather than to make the character look more conventionally beautiful.

So, what can we learn from this list? That if you want an Oscar then your best bet is to take off all your make up, slap on some prosthetics (or perhaps gain some weight), star in a moderately depressing film.

Looking at the line-up of women who have won in the past 25 years, is it any wonder that Jennifer Lopez didn’t win any awards for her portrayal of a beautiful, sexy, sexual stripper who wears sequins, fur and hair extensions?

It seems the Academy is still attached to the idea that for a woman to be interesting, she must be someone you don’t want to have sex with.

Progress? What progress?

Let's have a look at last year's red carpet: