The way the Met Police acted at the peaceful vigil for Sarah Everardon Saturday triggered a lot for me about how women have to exist in a world where we are constantly surrounded by fear.
From the day we are born, girls are told that we need to keep ourselves safe from attack - even from within our own families and communities. Before we hit puberty at least some of us have a short few years when we have some form of freedom - but it is never unbridled. We are trained to be afraid and vulnerable in a million different ways. We should never trust any man we don’t know - and often those we do know. This is exhausting and corrosive. It eats away at us every day and impacts how we operate in this world.
My fear began when I underwent female genital mutilation (FGM) at age 7. I lost my innocence and the ability to feel safe in my body before I was even double digits. That has stayed with me in certain ways and has taken a long time to work through.
Even at that young age I had a sense that I was being taught to 'stay in line'. I have done so much work to overcome the event itself - which I refuse to let define me - but it has, in a deep way, shaped me and who I am. Instead of being silenced by my FGM I am now often the loudest woman in the room and people might see me as fearless. However, like other women, when I’m walking down a dark street I can and do feel scared by the unknown (and even known men) around me.
This sense of danger that causes women to feel afraid is harder to banish - particularly as it is based on the reality that women are pretty much consistently at risk of sexual harassment, attack or even death. Almost every single woman has faced some form of street harassment, while, according to Karen Ingala Smith’s Counting Dead Women website, around 150 women are killed by men every single year in the UK. And, of course, it’s not just in public - angry and violent men attack us everywhere, including in our homes.
This backdrop makes it particularly hard to deal with when those who are meant to protect us decide to react violently to our pain, as happened on Saturday. The Met had an opportunity to decide how to react and they chose to do so in a disproportionate way. Rather than show sensitivity and use peaceful tactics they have used when policing football supporters, they acted how they did and then blamed the women. Victim blaming as we all know is a trump card, right out of the male violence 'playbook.' And their unapologetic reaction to how they acted on Saturday was the familiar 'she made me do it.'
It is only when men are better allies to women as family members, friends - or even strangers -will the shadow of fear that women and girls are forced to live under ever begin to dissipate.
The fear that women are forced to face - whether it’s in our homes, or when we are relying on an aggressive member of the police to protect our rights - is designed to hold us back. It becomes part of our daily lives - and it affects all women around the world in different ways.
In many countries on the African continent girls like me are still at risk of FGM, 'child marriage' and other forms of sexual violence. In Somaliland, 98% of women are affected by FGM, while in Niger, three quarters of girls under 18 are sold off into 'marriage'.
In my role as CEO of The Five Foundation, The Global Partnership To End FGM, I have called on donors to fund women activists who are heroically working to end these forms of violence - and to help to stem the tide of fear that girls and women are forced to endure. In England, we are working with Karma Nirvana to close a loophole which allows girls to be sold off into 'marriage' as children. I am also working to ensure women like Sarah Everard are better protected in the future. The Home Office has re-opened its call for evidence on violence against women and girls. I hope as many survivors as possible can be part of this so we can all be part of shaping a better and less fearful future.
Finally, I hope that the horrific events of the past week, which have shocked the entire nation, can be responded to by men too. Whatever form it takes, the violence that women and girls face is nearly always carried out by men - or, in the case of FGM, for the supposed benefit of men.
It is only when men are better allies to women as family members, friends - or even strangers -will the shadow of fear that women and girls are forced to live under ever begin to dissipate.
Nimco Ali is CEO of The Five Foundation, The Global Partnership To End FGM
READ MORE: Here's Why It's Important Not To Speculate On What Happened To Sarah Everard