Trigger warning: this article contains information about domestic abuse
At the start of April, the Home Office announced a change to the UK’s domestic abuse legislation, which extends the controlling and coercive behaviour offence to cover victims who do not live with their abusers. Former Love Islander Malin Andersson, 30, who is a survivor of domestic abuse, helped campaign for this change.
Malin hopes it will provide victims with the justice and protection she wasn’t afforded herself. In September 2020, her ex-boyfriend and abuser Tom Kemp, 31, was charged with assault occasioning bodily harm – partly because Malin managed to record a small glimpse of it on her phone – and he only spent three months of his 10-month sentence in jail before being released. The psychological abuse and coercive and controlling behaviour that he subjected her to was not yet deemed a punishable crime – it is now.
‘A lot of people don’t live with their partners,’ Malin explains, ‘or even if you live with them and you’re trying to get away from them, how are you meant to show that to the police?’ There is a lack of clarity over what’s worth reporting and where to report it. 'This is a really important law,’ she adds, ‘it could have come a long time ago, but it’s here now.’
One in four women experience domestic abuse and five out of six rapes against women are by someone they know. More than 80% of rape victims don't tell the police, and 40% of those cases go unreported because the victim felt embarrassed. Shame is often coupled with fear, as domestic abuse has more repeat victims than any other crime.
While the law extension is worth celebrating, there’s still a long way to go. A good place to start is ensuring that everyone understands what abusive behaviour actually is. ‘Four years ago, when I was going through it, I didn’t know what coercive, controlling behaviour was,' Malin says. 'I definitely didn’t know there were any laws behind it or that anyone could get arrested for it. You think of domestic abuse as just physical, right? But it’s so much more than that.
‘My ex would follow me, he came to where I lived, he’d kick doors down and tried to get into my head. I could report him for criminal damage, but I wouldn’t have been able to report him for coercive or controlling behaviour.’
In response to her initial allegations, Tom told the Mail Online she was a 'liar with mental health issues', but later pleaded guilty in court to assault occasioning bodily harm. In 2015, controlling and coercive behaviour was introduced as a criminal offence in the Serious Crime Act 2015 and includes economic, emotional or psychological abuse and threats alongside physical or sexual violence. Even still, not enough people are aware of what those terms mean or what behaviours they include.
Malin now dedicates a lot of her social media influence (she has 702k Instagram followers) to helping people look for warning signs. ‘The emotional part was more damaging to me personally. It’s sexual assault, coercion, emotional and phycological abuse. It’s financial abuse, it’s stalking, controlling phones. It’s even using children to control the victim, which happens a lot with coparenting. Or even using pets! It’s isolating someone from their friends and families, checking where they’re going, why they have that much make-up on or keeping tabs on their social media. There’s a huge list.
‘We need the right education on signs to look out for, and proper training. I remember one policeman turn up when I was with Tom, and I wasn’t fine, but I said I was at the time, and they said “ok” and left. They only had a ten-point checklist but any person with common sense would know there was something not right there.’
The reality star has spent the past few years working closely with Women’s Aid, Refuge Charity and the Home Office to campaign for other victims of domestic abuse, but never has her work felt more important than when her 15-month-old daughter, who she shares with her ex-boyfriend Jared, was born. ‘Last night I posted a photo of me and my daughter Xaya and it got me thinking about what a scary world we’re living in.’ One of her biggest fears is passing her trauma on to her daughter. ‘They call it generational trauma. It’s a lot of inner work but it’s about cutting that cord and breaking that cycle. When I look at my daughter, she’s so innocent. I can try and create change, but it starts with me.’
While support for victims of abuse is critical, the onus should not lie solely with them. ‘I’d love to meet an abuser in jail and question that person and try to understand why they’re like that. Why are they all so similar?’ she asks. ‘It’s textbook when you write down what a narcissist is.’ Malin’s abuser denied any wrongdoing when she first pressed charges, and a lack of remorse is something a lot of abusers have in common. ‘Most of them plead not guilty – look at Stephen Bear. He fully believed he was innocent. It’s mental! Where does that come from?’
Reality star Stephen Bear, 33, has recently been jailed for 21 months for sharing revenge porn on OnlyFans of ex-girlfriend and former Love Islander Georgia Harrison. His hubris on social media and in interviews about the case rung alarm bells for Malin, who recognised classic signs of narcissism in his behaviour.
A lot of reality shows like Love Island, or Shipwrecked and Ex on the Beach where Stephen Bear rose to fame, are guilty of platforming toxic and abusive behaviour in the name of entertainment. ‘What they don’t understand, even on shows like Love Island, is that it’s really damaging and young people will think those are normal relationships or that it’s entertaining.’ The bullying and misogyny perpetuated on these shows meant last year's 'movie night' on Love Island was Ofcom’s most complained about show of 2022. ‘I think they think if they don’t get drama then they’re not going to get views. And how toxic is that? In the world we live in?’
While viewers are becoming more cognisant of toxic and abusive behaviour on screen, the tides aren’t turning fast enough. Malin hopes to front a documentary about domestic abuse and spread her message on a wider scale. Despite recent criticism of the rise of reality star-fronted documentaries, Malin is an obvious exception and is someone with invaluable knowledge on her subject. ‘I’m sick of seeing those shows when there’s no meaning behind it. For me, it comes from my heart and understanding. I just want people to know that coercive behaviour is one of the most dangerous things that can happen to you because it can lead to so much more. There are always warning signs,’ she adds, ‘and it’s enough to call the police.’
If you are in immediate danger please call 999
Or use Women’s Aid’s local Domestic Abuse directory: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory
Contact Refuge charity on 0808 2000 247
Find more information at Sistah Space