In a year when good news has been hard to come by, there’s not many stories that are providing quite so much joy as the Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez reunion. Yes, that’s right, unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past few months, by now you’ll know that one of the world’s fave celeb couples from the noughties have rekindled their romance. True love is real!
From photos of the couple canoodling on boats to stealing kisses in restaurants, these paparazzi faves know exactly how to pull our heartstrings (especially if you were, say, 16 when they split the first time round and felt devastated about it). We all love the idea that happily ever after exists, and this storyline is like something straight out of a romcom, which, incidentally, is a genre that the pair have both operated in (together on a couple of occasions — although the less said about that the better).
Among the Internet’s collective celebration though, there’s some weird Google searching going on — namely ‘Jennifer Garner vs Jennifer Lopez,’ which was the breakout search term after JLo’s 52nd birthday this weekend, when the star went Insta official with Affleck. For those catching up, Jennifer Garner is a successful actress and also happens to be Affleck’s ex-wife and the mother of his children. This was echoed by multiple articles comparing the two women’s appearances, by putting photos of Garner next to JLo’s recent bikini photos, in an apparent attempt to shame the former — prompting actress and body positivity activist, Jameela Jamil, to tweet: “ABSOLUTELY not here for the Jennifer Garner comparison to JLo, with paparazzi pics of her working out, put right next to glamorous social media photos of JLo. It’s not the nineties. We aren’t still pitting women against women over a guy…ESP when only one of them wants him.” Quite.
Now there are so many things wrong with this I don’t know where to start, but first and foremost: when will we stop our obsession of comparing women? If there were only two women left on the planet, we’d find a way to compare them to one another based on their appearance and relative attractiveness to men, I’m certain of it. It’s not only completely irrelevant but so reductive. On top of everything, it’s built on the assumption that Affleck was the one who ditched Garner, and tries to suggest that this may have something to do with her appearance, which in itself is absolutely ridiculous because Garner is GORGEOUS. Given that we have absolutely no idea what went on in Garner and Affleck’s marriage or why they split, it feels like a pretty big stretch to assume that she would even be bothered about what her ex is up to. I don’t know about you but I certainly don’t know who my exes are dating, or even care as long as they’re happy (well most of them anyway). Any assumption otherwise is patronising and so outdated. In 2021 can we all just agree that sometimes heterosexual women dump men and are much happier for it?
Beyond that, I don’t see anyone comparing photos of Affleck with JLo’s most recent ex, Alex Rodriguez. Why? Because we’re not in the habit of comparing men in the public eye based on their attractiveness.
In 2021 it’s incredible to think that we are all still pitting women against one another in such a damaging way, and making assumptions about their feelings and emotions that they’ve never expressed on the basis of outdated gender stereotyping. Especially in a week when Katy Perry and her partner’s ex, Miranda Kerr, went on the record to tell the world about what appears to be a really healthy and supportive friendship.
It is entirely possible to leave an ex and not want them back. It’s also possible to move on to the degree that you manage to retain a healthy relationship with them. Isn’t this what we should all be aiming for — especially when kids are involved?
Who knows what Garner thinks and feels, but trying to denigrate her with harmful comparisons is not only hurtful behaviour but it drags all of the rest of us down too. Because we are more — so much more — than sexual objects to be compared and contrasted in the eyes of men. I hope that one day soon we are able to consider two different women based on their own relative merits rather than in comparison to one another. Because until then, we will never be equal to men.