Last year's Mother’s Day was unforgettable for Lidia Moret. It was the first time she’d seen her son Peter, now 38, since learning the truth about his identity, in a scenario she describes as ‘a nightmare’.
A few days earlier, Peter had called Lidia with astonishing news. With the help of the Dutch government, he’d established that his biological father was the now infamous rogue fertility doctor Jan Karbaat, who fathered at least 60 children by secretly using his own sperm to inseminate unsuspecting women seeking a donor.
Karbaat had died in 2017, aged 89, as allegations surrounding his malpractice in the Netherlands first gained momentum. Lidia, 69, was among those patients. ‘I immediately started to see Karbaat in [Peter’s] face,’ she recalls.
Now, the fertility scandal that shocked the world is the subject of a new podcast, The Immaculate Deception, by British journalist Jenny Kleeman. And whereas previous investigations have focused on the so-called Karbaat Kids, Lidia is the first mother to speak out about the bewildering experience of learning that your child isn’t who you thought they were.
It’s an experience akin to, well, what exactly? I ask Lidia. ‘It is abuse,’ she replies. ‘And I don’t know why he did it. Maybe he just thought he was god.’
She attended Karbaat’s clinic in the early 1980s, after years of trying for a baby with her first husband, Huib. Tests revealed that Huib’s sperm was, as Lidia puts it, ‘not right’, and their GP advised Lidia to consult Dr Karbaat’s practice near Rotterdam. Lidia remembers disliking the doctor, who made inappropriate remarks about the size of her breasts.
I don’t know why he did it. Maybe he just thought he was god.
‘I wore my baggiest, plainest clothes whenever I went to the clinic, to try to make myself invisible,’ she says.
Nevertheless, she deferred to Karbaat’s expertise – ‘He was the one with the degree and the white coat’ – and hoped he would help her fulfil her dream of motherhood; indirectly, of course. The doctor assured her she was receiving the frozen sperm of a donor chosen for his close resemblance to her husband.
When, after months of such visits, Lidia became pregnant, she was ecstatic. ‘All the doctor asked was that I send him a photo of the baby, and I did so with pleasure. Peter was the most beautiful child in the whole world,’ she recalls. ‘Life was good.’
In the two decades that followed, Lidia never spoke about using a donor spermto conceive ‘out of respect for my husband’. But after Huib died of colon cancer in 2003 – and Peter became worried about inheriting the illness – Lidia broke her silence. ‘I didn’t want to [tell anyone] – it felt like a betrayal,’ she says.
Peter took the news well, however, and, over the years, became increasingly curious about the identity of his biological father. After Dutch law changed, entitling donor- conceived children to help trace their genetic history, he – and Lidia – learned the full truth last year.
For Peter, the news that Karbaat was his father came with an upside. According to his mother, he enjoyed meeting a slew of half-siblings with whom he shares a striking likeness. But for Lidia, who now lives in Spain with her second husband, Fred, the discovery of what really went on at Karbaat’s clinic has been horrifying.
The sense of violation she feels has brought back traumatic memories of the sexual abuse she suffered as a nine-year-old – crimes that went unpunished, and for which she was made to feel ashamed.
‘Girls and women were not listened to in those days,’ she tells me now. She says she’s received no offer of counselling following the Karbaat scandal, but she is determined not to be silenced again. ‘I’ll tell anyone who listens about what happened, because I haven’t done anything wrong,’ she says.
She’s still shaken by Karbaat’s actions, but says she hopes to rebuild her self-esteem by talking about her ordeal.
‘Finally, a weight has been taken off my back,’ she says. ‘But it was a very heavy one.’
The Immaculate Deception is available on Apple, Spotify and all podcast providers.
LISTEN: The Best Podcasts To Download Now
LISTEN: The Best Podcasts To Download Now
1 of 12This Old Thing?
Bay Garnett, former Vogue fashion editor and all-round vintage Queen, speaks to some brilliant guests about their most memorable outfits, trying to get to the bottom of the 'fabric of their lives'. There are also some excellent secondhand shopping tips along the way – the new second series of the podcast is even sponsored by eBay. Garnett is a warm, funny and loquacious host as she speaks to the likes of Charlotte Tilbury, Paloma Faith and Rachel Weisz, making this perfect if you're after an engaging interview with helpful fashion tips thrown in for good measure.
2 of 12Incredible Women
For Net-a-Porter's second series of Incredible Women, it kicked off with a bang. Meena Harris, the Harvard-educated laywer, CEO and NYT bestselling author whose aunt is currently Vice President of the United States, talks about ambitious women and growing up in a family of leaders where injustice was met with the question, 'So what are you going to do about it?'
3 of 12Rixo: Tales From The Living Room
Rixo might now be a powerhouse dress brand, but it started from the living room of two best friends, Henrietta Rix and Orlagh McCloskey. This is the starting point for their new podcast, just launched this week, where the founders and former flatmates discuss their approach to being women in business.
4 of 12Chanel Connects
At a time when much of the world's population is living under restrictions and confined to their homes, Chanel Connects, the brand's latest podcast series hosted by Yana Peel, is bringing together some of fashion, film, art, music and architecture's brightest lights to discuss something that concerns them and us all: the future of culture. With a line-up including Tilda Swinton, Edward Enninful, Keira Knightley, Pharrell Williams and Andrew Bolton, it's a fascinating window into how the arts has been affected in our radically transformed world.
5 of 12What Were You Thinking?
What we wear reveals as much about our interior lives as it does our exterior tastes. In his podcast, Henry Holland takes guests including Alexa Chung, Beth Ditto and RuPaul's Drag Race alum Gigi Goode on an autobiographical journey told through their wardrobes, as they dish the secrets behind some of their favourite looks. Henry says: 'The clothes we wear really do help to tell the story of our lives. We're going to explore some key fashion moments in my guest's life. Stories that have inspired or even informed their life's direction, made a real impact, or just something that represents a time when they were deliriously happy'. We say: essential listening.
6 of 12Grazia Life Advice
It's back! Grazia's very own podcast in which guests reveal the best – and worst – advice they've ever received. Season two features Candice Brathwaite, Clara Amfo, Amy Hart, Poppy Delevingne, Emma Gannon and many more.
7 of 12InCharge
InCharge is a series of intimate conversations between industry legend Diane Von Furstenberg and personalities like Kris Jenner, Priyanka Chopra, Elaine Welteroth and Karlie Kloss. The podcast's name has a straightforward explanation, originating from DVF's childhood dream of being 'in charge', and will inspire you to be exactly that.
8 of 12A Different Tweed - Fashion Conversations with Bronwyn Cosgrave
For dyed-in-the-wool fashion followers who care about the craft, A Different Tweed is a must-listen. Hosted by fashion historian Bronwyn Cosgrave, it features seriously bright talents, from Batsheva Hay and Stephen Jones to Elizabeth Saltzman and Sam McKnight.
9 of 12The BOF Podcast
If you're seeking a reality check, as opposed to escapism, download the BoF Podcast. It has plenty of episodes dedicated to discussing the impacts of coronavirus on the industry, with experts like journalist Rana Ayyub and trend forecaster Li Edelkoort weighing in on issues like the impact of India's now-shuttered textile industry on migrant labourers and how Covid-19 is teaching us to slow down. Other important episodes include BoF's editor-in-chief Imran Amed's discussion with Aniyia Williams, the opera singer turned fashion tech entrepreneur, who discusses the importance of self-examination when dismantling systemic racism within the fashion industry.
10 of 12The Collector's House
The Collector's House, from Matchesfashion.com, starts with a simple question: if you had to choose five things that represent and inspire you, what would they be? It's not only a fascinating insight into what interviewees like designer Norma Kamali and journalist/author Dana Thomas cherish, but somehow seems fitting in the times we're living in. We're spending a lot more time at home, surrounded by our objects, and are thinking about what really matters now. Listen - and choose yours.
11 of 12Ganni Talks
The husband-and-wife duo behind Ganni, Ditte and Nicolaj Reffstrup, somehow found time to launch Ganni Talks. The premise is simple - the pair call their industry friends like InStyle's Laura Brown and ask, 'How are you?' - but it cuts right to the heart of the strange times we're living in.
12 of 12Fashion No Filter
Fashion journalists and influencers Camille Charrière and Monica Ainley interview the industry's bright lights - think Pernille Teisbaek, Bryan Boy, Alexandre de Betak and Arizona Muse - about issues that range from the light-hearted (street-style) to the serious (climate change).