There’s nothing like a dating-over-the-salary-divide-story to get us talking. Now, the ‘gold-digger’ test, as it has been dubbed by one Reddit user, has captured the internet. Essentially, it involves high-earning men telling white lies to gauge whether a woman is only interested in them because of their finances. Allow us to explain.
In a post shared on the popular Reddit thread Am I The A**hole’, a woman detailed her experiences of the 'gold-digger test' while on a recent first date. In the post, the user recounts how she met the man on a dating app, with their first date starting out well – until she asked him what he did for work.
‘He said he is a tradesman and I asked what kind. He seemed to hesitate for half a second then said carpenter,’ she wrote. She proceeded to ask him questions about what type of carpentry he does, but he ‘fumbled’ and tried to change the topic. ‘He ended up admitting that he is not a carpenter, he just wanted to test me,’ she wrote. ‘He apparently makes a lot of money and wants women to like him because of his personality and not for his money. So he has to be cautious and made up a 'low-paying job' as a test.’
The woman was not impressed and wrote that this led to him failing her ‘decent person test’ because of his dishonest behaviour. “When I was complaining to one of my friends, she said that I overreacted a bit and at least should’ve asked about his past experiences, because he has probably been burned before and I have no idea what it’s like to be a high earning man,” she wrote. 'But I kind of do have an idea, as I work with a lot of well-paid men and none of them do outrageous bulls*** like this.’
She finished by asking people to share their opinions in the thread, which has since amassed 2.7k comments. Some people pointed out that carpenters actually earn good money, and the man was firstly at fault for viewing a carpenter as ‘beneath him.’ Another wrote ‘NTA. Who does he think he is? The bachelor? As if he was so good he can be a chooser and test the "worthiness" of women?’ A third said ‘Red flag. If he was really making money, he would be mature enough to know how handle this question since he apparently already is frustrated about his job giving away his financial status.’
One commenter even revealed they had been in a similar situation, writing ‘I went on a date with a similar guy and he was f***ing insufferable. If he values himself so highly because of his earnings he should be looking for a high-earning woman or just planning on a solid prenup, not going around testing women with lies.’
However, others sided with the man and suggested they could see his point of view. ‘YTA for overreacting like that. Dude was probably taken for a ride because of his money before and is trying to be cautious,’ one user wrote. Another commented ‘YTA. I know several wealthy people who keep it hidden because whenever they accidentally leak any kind of hint of wealth, many people suddenly take a keen interest. Guys try to convince them to 'invest', and women start flirting hard. Even normal non-wealthy guys I know complain about women angling for free drinks and free cover and free meals. As such, he was on defense because he didn't know if you were one of the 99.99% of parasitic people out there.’
By now, we’re pretty used to tests that scrutinise our relationships. We’ve had orange peel theory, the bird test, the Barbie test and the moon phase test, to name a few. But unlike these seemingly harmless internet fads, the 'gold-digger' test plays on a sexist stereotype that is as old as time - and could be pretty flawed. A 2012 Valentine’s Day poll carried out by AA insurance found that a higher percentage of men than women admitted to being turned on by material possessions or by what someone did for a living – despite the term 'gold-digger' being typically associated with women.
Money is a complicated, emotional topic, and whether you choose to date across the salary divide is your choice entirely. But, like most things in dating, the bottom line is that communication, and honesty, is key. So let's ditch the gold digger label, and embrace conversations about money in all their awkwardness.