Bridgerton is back and, judging by the fan fiction it generates online, a lot of us fantasise about life in the Regency era. Claudia Jessie (who plays Eloise), on the other hand, recently told an interviewer that if she really lived in Bridgerton-land, she’d swerve invitations to balls. Joking with co-stars Hannah Dodd and Jessica Madsen, she added, ‘We don’t really have FOMO [fear of missing out]. We’ve got, like, fear of being involved.’
FOBI is a new one to me. In my twenties, I definitely had FOMO: it took me to a lot of weird places and helped me fill Facebook with dozens of ‘friends’ I’d only meet once. But after enough occasions of dressing up and trekking into town to be rewarded with crap conversation followed by hangxiety, you live and learn: often, a night on the sofa is a better idea. What a relief it’s been to realise that when you miss a night out, you rarely miss anything at all.
FOBI also, presumably, means swerving the dreaded admin that’s involved in socialising. ‘Adulthood mainly involves suggesting dates in WhatsApp groups until someone can’t do that date, and then you return to the start of the process,’ tweeted novelist Mhairi McFarlane recently. While I love a girls’ trip or a reunion dinner, nothing makes me want to be friendless more than the pre-event brainstorm. I do not want to complete a poll about available weekends or be tasked with finding an affordable cottage with a hot tub. I’d rather not track down photos from 2003 or gather anecdotes about a bride or groom. I too have FOBI.
Though Jessie is 34 – a Millennial like me – FOBI seems to be even more widespread in Gen Z. A recent survey found that one in three younger Brits were socialising less than they had a year before and, between March 2020 and December 2023, more than 3,000 businesses associated with nightlife closed in and around London. The pandemic and cost of living crisis will have fuelled this but have we got too comfortable being antisocial?
Though I may roll my eyes when I’m added to a WhatsApp group, I will still complete the poll and do the Airbnb scroll, because time with my friends is worth it. During lockdown, even the hassle started to seem like a lost treasure. In my early thirties, I’d become tired of friends getting married – but fast forward to 2021, my first post-Covid wedding, and I was excited to board a train at 8am in full make-up and tonged hair. Getting involved is a lot better than not having anything to get involved with.
FOBI can be a slippery slope towards loneliness. We’re social animals and, after all those months of lockdown, I will never again take for granted the joy of socialising. I fear being involved, but I resist the fear. And a ball seems like a great idea. Can you fill in my poll for summer availability?