Earlier this year, I was standing in the wings of a comedy club, waiting to perform my set. About to go on stage before me was a male comedian that I’d never met before.
We had a short conversation before he stepped into the light and he seemed perfectly nice. ‘I’m really nervous,’ I said. ‘I’m doing new material, and I’m terrified people are gonna think I’m insane.’
‘I don’t think I’ll stay for your set,’ he said in response to my openness. ‘I’ve heard your stand up is filthy. It will probably make me blush.’ Then he went on stage.
For the next ten minutes I watched, intrigued to see what a prudish male comedian actually did. Would he quote scripture? Encourage the audience to eat more fibre? Deliver a tight five on the benefits of cold showers?
Of course not. His set was filthier than mine. Not that we were in competition here, but he opened with a few jokes about wanting to shag his mother in law, and how much he wished his dick was bigger. I really enjoyed it. I was just baffled about how I was the edgier, more blush-worthy comedian between the two of us.
When claims of Russell Brand’s predatory past broke the internet last week (allegations Brand denies), I wasn’t shocked. The man has had rumours swirling about him for the six years that I’ve been in stand up.
Hungover last week, I sat down and watched the C4 dispatches about the comedian.
It made me deeply depressed. I was sad for the women who had spoken out. I imagined what mental torment they had gone through to decide whether or not to do it. I was sad knowing that now, undoubtedly, they’d be going up against an unbearable amount of abuse from ignorant people on the internet who would say things like, ‘Well, why didn’t she go to the police when it happened?’ ‘Why did she go home with him then?’ Or worse ‘This is a coup by the mainstream media to shut down one of our free thinkers.’ ICK.
But the other thing that gave me an irked feeling in the pit of my stomach, were the clips of Brand, both in the documentary and resurfacing online. Clips where he was making it perfectly clear he was a degrader of women, and nobody listened. Nobody blushed. Videos where he referenced rape, and abuse, under the guise of being a ’sexually promiscuous comedian.’
It made me feel weird and for a day or two I couldn’t understand why. Talking to my mum about why it had upset me so much, she reminded me of how I had felt, two years before, when I was raped, and was open about it, and people, (men) told me that perhaps I should take some responsibility for being raped, because all I do is talk about sex.
‘You feel weird because you feel angry,’ my mum said. ‘When you were open about your rape, your comedy was used against you.’
Russell Brand was not only hailed for being sexually promiscuous, but he was exploiting his promiscuity to make women feel uncomfortable.
And I thought about that that night, when a male comedian told me he simply couldn’t watch my set, for fear it would make him uncomfortable.
But I’m not making jokes about raping people, or fucking children? As far as I can tell my jokes aren’t harming people apart from those I feel have harmed me. I talk about sex as a way to take the ownership back of my sexuality, because too many men have tried to rob me of that.
And yet, I’m too much? I’m too edgy?
Earlier in the week I was asked on Newsnight if I felt Russell Brand had used being ‘sex-positive’ to cloak his abusive behaviour and the question annoyed me. Not because he didn’t exploit his sexuality, but rather, because no one should ever describe Russell Brand as ‘sex-positive’. Firstly, because there was nothing positive about the way Russell Brand talked about sex. Secondly, and more importantly, because sex-positivity can only exist in the face of cultural negativity towards your sexuality. The term is reserved for people who society has decreed should keep silent on the subject of sex. These people are not Russell Brand.
These are women and LGBTQ people who are rebellious and countercultural for even discussing sex in our own voices, who receive a name like “sex-positive’ for even acknowledging something so ordinary as our desire.
We live in a world where women who make jokes about sex somehow become responsible for experiencing sexual violence, while the men who mistreat women can hide it amongst their jokes. Russell Brand has been accused of doing some terrible things, and said many more, while female comics can’t even speak about the terrible things that have been done to us. We need to think about whether our comedy is being used as a tool to raise people up, or keep others hidden. To clarify or to obscure the reality behind the curtain.
Because sometimes, there is just a prude hiding behind a dirty onstage persona, and sometimes there is a predator. In both cases the comedy is used to maintain a misogynistic myth.
That male comedian never did stay to watch my set.