Another day, another man on the internet asking if he’s The Asshole for holding his own wife to unrealistic beauty standards.
Taking to the ever-popular Am I The Asshole reddit forum, the original poster (OP) sets the scene for us by describing his wife, Grace, as a ‘girly girl’ who, prior to the pandemic, ‘would always dress for the runway.’ OP goes on to detail what sounds like an exhaustingly high-maintenance beauty routine, requiring ‘heels, dresses and perfume’ at all times.
Honestly, I’m tired just thinking about it.
OP expresses his frustration that during the pandemic, Grace’s meticulous routine fell by the wayside but conceded he ‘understood, because we weren’t really going anywhere’. Despite the husband finding it in his heart to forgive his wife’s shortcomings during, you know, a global pandemic, his disgust radiates from his post and he’s clearly dissatisfied with Grace’s (perfectly valid) claim that ‘it’s too much work’.
Dude, have you ever tried going about your day with stubble in your pants? It’s no joke.
But here – HERE – is where OP admits that he ‘may be an asshole’.
‘Before the pandemic, we went on a date night,’ he explained. ‘Since we haven't done it in a while, I suggested a night out at an expensive restaurant. I did pick this restaurant on purpose. Grace said no and suggested we order takeout. When I refused she suggest a restaurant like [American fast food chains] IHOP or Chili's. Her excuse? She didn't feel like shaving her legs for one of her dresses and wanted to be comfortable.’
Now, as far as ‘excuses’ go, wanting to be comfortable seems like a pretty good one, doesn’t it? There’s a whole demographic of women out there who’ve stopped wearing underwired bras and high-waisted jeans post pandemic for that EXACT reason.
He went on, ‘I snapped, saying "It wouldn't hurt you to dress up for once!" She accused me of only liking her looks! This isn't true! I told her I was just tired of feeling like I'm living with a homeless woman. Grace ended up locking herself in our bedroom. I know my words were harsh.
‘I ordered a pizza and tried to apologise but Grace wouldn't open the door. I slept on the couch. Right now Grace is still giving me the cold shoulder, refusing to speak to me or be in the same room as me. I know I hurt her feelings with my words however I think this is depression or isolation from the pandemic since, before, Grace had no problem looking like a model.’
OP may well be concerned about his wife’s mental health, and only she can say if her behaviour is so removed from her usual self could be a symptom of depression. But shaming her into dressing up exclusively for him and targeting her looks hardly seems like a way to alleviate it.
One sage reader in the thread pointed out, ‘You know what the pandemic taught a lot of women? That the expensive beauty culture that is shoved in our faces all day long is BS.
‘We can be braless, we can be hairy, we can be comfortable all the time instead of 20% of the time, and dress up solely when we want to and not because it’s expected.’
Another said, ‘We can now live like most men have their entire f--king lives. Until they also get into heels, spend thousands on make-up and hair stuff, girdles, being utterly uncomfortable and feeling like sh-t all day to rinse the eyes of others, then f--k no.
‘OP my friend, I suggest you ask your wife to put you through her entire pre-pandemic routine so you can learn the sh-t she's had to put up with. Start with the ball waxing.’
The internet has spoken: he is the asshole.
AITA For Not Paying My Brother-In-Law For Babysitting? Yes, Probably