After saying goodbye to your parents, unpacking all that food they sympathy-bought you from Sainbury’s and having an awkward first meeting with your weird flatmate who looks a little bit like that guy that once tried to blow up your school by leaving the bunsen burner on, Never Have I Ever – or I Have Never – is practically the next thing on your list of Fresher Activities That You’ll Do.
For Never Have I Ever, you need to be prepared – you don’t want to be the girl that opts out of the first drinking game you’re ever going to play with your new friends, but at the same time you’re keen not to be remembered for all of first year as that girl that admitted to rimming her ex-boyfriend in the first week of university. Also, that panic you feel when it's your turn next and you've got NOTHING except the oh-so-overdone, ‘Never have I ever kissed another girl?’ Paralysing.
Here’s a few questions you can use as back up for the first session that are *also *clever ways to figure out stuff about your potential new pals.
‘Never have I ever masturbated at someone else’s house (during the day)’
Adding the ‘during the day’ disclaimer susses out the sexually adventurous from the downright bonkers. Avoid the latter like the plague unless you fancy trying out some of those things on Urban Dictionary with names like ‘Mexican Surprise’ and ‘Snowballing’
‘Never have I ever peed in the shower’
Works especially well with all your new housemates. An early indicator which of your housemates are total dicks. Or liars. Everyone’s peed in the shower at some point.
‘Never have I ever faked an orgasm’
A fabulous tool to have up your sleeve for when playing in the presence of that guy you bonked on the first night and the girl he’s been shagging since. Not only does he now think he failed to satisfy you, he’s now shooting distrustful glances at his new lady friend with an Othello-like intensity. Good luck explaining your way out of that one Little Miss New Boobs.
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‘Never have I ever thought Sex and the City 2 made some interesting points’
Don’t cross the people who don’t drink to this one off your list of potential friends entirely, just use the data gathered as a handy tool to figure out which girls to assign as ‘first tier’ friends and which girls to relegate to ‘pub acquaintance’. Practically foolproof.
‘Never have I ever stolen something from someone I know’
No biggie if they've shoplifted from one of the high street stores when they were 17. In fact, they might actually be handy as someone to have around for when you haven’t got the guts to do something, like have a wee behind a phone box at 2AM when the pub’s closed. If they’ve stolen shit from someone they *know, *though – maybe they don’t make the longlist of potential housemates for next year. Especially handy if you’re at uni in one of those cities when you’ve got to pick ’em by, like, November.
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Follow Jess on Twitter @jess_commons
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.