For better of for worse, your Christmas Day is going to consist of mainly two things; drinking and watching telly. Oh, and eating, but that’s sort of a given right?
Anyways since you’re most likely super hungover from the night before, we thought we’d sort your day out for you. Here’s your telly schedule.
10:45 – 12:15 The Simpsons – Sky 1
Lets face it, now you’re old and grey there’s no way you’re up at the crack of dawn – 10:45 seems like it’ll probably be the absolute earliest you’ll manage to heave yourself out of bed, half heartedly empty out your stocking and shuffle downstairs to plonk yourself in from on the TV. Start your day off with a morning chuckle by sipping on champagne and orange juice watching back to back to back Simpsons; Miracle on Evergreen Terrace, Dude Where’s My Ranch, and ‘Tis The Fifteenth Season.
12:00 Wallace and Gromit - A Grand Day Out – BBC1
Before Shaun The Sheep and the infuriating penguin, Wallace and Gromit was just Wallace and Gromit, trying to get to the moon because the moon was made of cheese.
1245 – 1:15 The Snowman – Channel 4
You’ll probably be eating lunch sometime around now, but just in case you’ve had a turkey related emergency, Channel 4 have put the Snowman on! Sure it’s not exactly that exciting now you’re grown up but pair it with your first glass of wine of the day and it’ll seem infinitely more enjoyable.
1:00 -2:00 - Friends – Comedy Central
Double Bill of Friends alert! Definitely take advantage of your parents having Sky by binging on Friends on Comedy Central over the holiday period. This double bill features the two very best holiday editions of the show; The One With The Routine and The One With The Holiday Armadillo
13:50 – The Alternative Christmas Message – Channel 4
Sack off the Queen and tune into Channel 4’s Alternative Christmas. This year look out for presenters Adam Hill, Jesse Jackson, Katie Piper, The Simpsons and erm, Edward Snowdon.
2:05 – Scrooged – Channel 4
Forget about the TOTP Christmas Special. You can see Ed Sheeran any old time. Instead stay on Channel 4 and settle in with a glass (or seven) or whiskey and watch Bill Murray in this the greatest Christmas film of them all (other than Muppet Christmas Carol obvs) about Bill Murray as a mean old TV executive with a drinking problem who’s visited by three ghosts on Christmas Eve that encourage him to turn his life around.
4:00 Big – Channel 4
SEAMLESS SEGUE from Channel 4 from one excellent 80s film to another. Push aside all notions of how ridiculously creepy Big actually is (and trust us, we watched it again very recently, it’s weird, very weird) and ponder, wine in hand, over the ensuing two hours whehther Tom Hanks is actually the best man ever to live.
6:00 - Vicar of Dibley - Gold
A dud hour for terrestrial telly so move on over to Gold and pick up this classic episode which sees the Vicar attend no less than three Christmas lunches and a brussel sprout eating competition.
Hilarity ensues.
7:00 - The Simpsons – Sky 1
Another dud hour. Luckily the Simpsons is back with a double bill to save the day.
8:00 - Frozen At Christmas – Channel 4
PULL IT TOGETHER TELLY. This isn’t actually Frozen, instead it’s a documentary about Frozen. But by now hopefully you’re pissed enough that it won’t matter at all and you’ll be able sing contentedly along with the few snatches of Let It Go they’ll inevitably play. Drink copious amounts of wine to make sure this happens.
9:00 - Downton Abbey - ITV
WHAT MADNESS IS THIS ITV I haven’t even managed to finish this season yet. To rectify, drink more and shout at the telly every time Tom comes on due to him playing a spy in The Imitation Game.
9:50 - SHarknado 2 - Syfy
YEAHHHHHH SHARKNADO. This is almost definitely going to be the worst film you’ve ever seen but at this point in the day who cares? Mum and Dad have passed out on the sofa, Grandad’s crooning away to the Christmas Carols still pumping out of the stereo and your siblings are in a similar state of inebriation as you. A film about a tornado filled with sharks seems like an excellent way to top off the day.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Like this? Then you might also be interested in:
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Follow Jess on Twitter @Jess_Commons
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.