Some Stuff You Can Spend £400 On Because You Didn’t Go To Glastonbury

Four days in a field or flights to Antigua. Your choice.


by Jess Commons |
Published on

Gutted you’re not off to Glastonbury? Don’t be. There’s far better things to spend your money on than a weekend camped out in a field trapped between two competing sound systems. It's not like it would have been cheap either, your trip would have set you back a substantial amount – tickets this year cost £210 (plus £5 booking fee, obvs and that’s not even counting the £84 you’re looking at for train tickets to Castle Cary, the smallest, least-accommodating train station imaginable to have over 100,000 people passing through it every year on the last weekend of June. With tent and welly purchases, food and booze buys and spending money for on site, we’re estimating the whole outing setting you back something in the range of £400. Here’s five (way better things) you could spend that on instead.

An actual Jacuzzi

For reals. Not like the fancy ones they drink champagne in on Made in Chelsea (WE should be so lucky), but a good, solid blow-up one that’ll do everything Jacuzzis are meant to do like, er, be hot and make bubbles. It’s the gift that keeps on giving all summer (and winter) long. And it’s much better for your wellbeing than four nights in a rain-soaked tent.


Five days in a fucking amazing treehouse

Hmm, tent, treehouse, tent, treehouse. Tough choice. Yep, we’re going to have to go with the best treehouse that's probably ever been created. Not only is it more likely to be sunny in Cornwall than Somerset, but you’re also about as far away from a big town full of annoying people as it’s possible to be in this country. Not so much the case at Glastonbury.


Return flights to Antigua

Like actually. Currently on sale for November over at SkyScanner for the grand price of £399. Sure, Dolly Parton won’t be serenading you with 9 To 5 from the Pyramid Stage, but you know who will be there? Hot guys serving you rum and coke all day long. Sorry, Dolly, there’s some things even you and your magnificent breasts can’t compete with.


The solution to all your gym-based woes

Struggling to find the motivation to cough up upwards of £50 a month for a gym membership or simple hate exercising in a room full of long n’ lithe tosspots whose working out confidence is at an irritating high? This running machine is an excellent alternative. Also, while Glastonbury is almost definitely detrimental to your health, this is almost exactly the opposite.


A set of the flyest kitchen equipment ever created

You know you’ve made it when you’ve got yourself some Le Creuset shit for you kitchen. It’s ridiculously expensive, but it’ll probably last for the rest of your life, much like the memory of vomiting into the long-drop you’d inevitably have picked up at Glastonbury.


A massive HD TV

The older we get, the more we’re starting to subscribe to Dad’s method of couch surfing the festival circuit. Pretty much everyone you wanted to see at Glastonbury will be on the red button bit of the BBC coverage anyways and it’ll have lovely friendly Jo Whiley telling you who they all are. Even better, you’ll be at home with your friends, a fridge, a loo, and a working mobile phone. Plus, splashing your Glasto cash on this new telly means you can watch the next season of Game Of Thrones in HD. It'll be like those dragons are right in your living room.


Follow Jess on Twitter @jess_commons

Picture: Getty

This article originally appeared on The Debrief.

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