Over the last few weeks your attitude to New Years’ Eve has probably gone something like this;
‘God New Years’ is lame, I probably won’t even do anything’ (November – week 4)
‘Guys, is anyone doing anything for New Years? I definitely don’t want to go to any really lame expensive club night’ (December - week 1)
‘Hmm, someone will have a party right? I’m definitely not organising anything’ (December – week 2)
‘(Slightly shrill) ‘Guys is anyone doing anything for New Years? Obviously I don’t even care.’ (December – week 3)
‘LAST CALL GUYS, maybe we could just go to the pub????!’ (December – week 4)
‘OMG I’ve got nothing planned and I’m going to have to sit in with my parents and watch Jools Holland’s Hogmanay and that’s so not how what’s meant to be the best year of my life is meant to start out. FUCK Instagram is going to be unbearable tonight (December 31st – now)
Don’t even worry though guys, help is at hand. Here’s how to salvage tonight.
Round up a crew
Going on social media and asking ‘WHO WANTS TO HANG OUT TONIGHT’ is absolutely not the best way to go about this. This sort of post normally smacks of desperation but on New Years’ Eve you might as well go to a gig naked, invade the stage and scream ‘I HAVE NO FRIENDS’ into the microphone for all the good it'll do you. Instead, click through to your ‘Events’ section on Facebook and systematically go through the guest lists of the parties your friends are attending and target the weak, the indecisive and the lazy in private messages, inviting them to your super cool party that’s going to be amazing. Chances are one of them will just invite you to whatever they’re going to in which case you’re sorted but if not, read on…
Wait, my party? What party?
The party you’re going to have with your new crew of misfits silly! Luckily your crew will probably be relatively diminutive in size this late in the day so enticing them in with offers of food won’t be too tough to come through on. We’ve already given you the heads up on some fantastic non-naff canapés that are beyond easy to make, but see also this magnificent chilli n' Doritos that’ll go round as many as you like and is dead cheap to make. Team with some rice and crusty bread and you’re good to go.
But what will we drink?
HA you think we’d forget that detail? Absolutely not. Obviously tell everyone to bring their own booze but a big old vat of cocktail for people to sample as they arrive really shows your crew of mistfits that you value their attendance and hope to work with them again on similarly last-minute parties in the future. The caipiroska cocktail is super cheap and easy to make, mainly because it’s less cocktail and more vodka mixed with sugar and lime. Make a big old jug and spend the first few hours keeping your guests 'refreshed'. More cocktails also = diminished expectations from your guests. Which bodes well for you.
And the music?
Let’s be honest, all this last minute-ness means you’ve got a fairly random crew of people, in fact you think you even spotted that boy who left uni in second year with some vague mutterings about 'joining the marines' that were never quite confirmed. Therefore it’s almost definitely best to play it safe music-wise and stick to the crowd pleasers. And if there’s one type of music drunk middle-class twenty-somethings like more than any other type of music, it’s retro hip hop, and by ‘retro’, we mean ‘early-noughties’, and by ‘hip hop’, we mean ‘a pale imitation of’. Anyways, whack on the Save The Last Dance soundtrack and it’ll work like a dream.
But what if people get bored?
Don’t even worry about it. Booze and hip hop is like cat-nip to twenty-somethings, but on the off chance things do go south, spending a few minutes prior to your impromptu party to assign an Emergency Pub would be an excellent idea. Avoid anywhere that you need to pay to get into (unwanted spenditure, unfortunate ticketing situations) or any bar frequented by young people (big queues) and find the crappest old man pub you can. With any luck it’ll just have a few old regulars in it and you guys can take control of the venue. Added bonus; the old chaps might even regale you with a few entertaining stories from New Years gone by.
HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM YOUR SIMILARLY DISORGANISED FRIENDS AT THE DEBRIEF XXX
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Picture: Anna Jay
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.