Bloody hell you lot it’s finally here. Yep, after being bombarded with super expensive marketing campaigns for the last year or so, the World Cup finally kicked offon Wednesday with Brazil versus Croatia. Obviously none of that matters as our first match is TONIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS, and we’re playing Italy.
Seeing as the pubs are going to be gross (grown men doing sex faces in anticipation of penalties, no thanks) and big screenings outside means driving or a hell of a struggle to get away afterwards thanks to the braying crowds (we’re getting old), have people over to yours for a viewing party. It doesn’t start till 11 so you’ve got quite a few hours to entertain for before the match. Don’t stress about it though, we’re here with a foolproof party guide that’s bound to make sure you have the best night ever. Unless England lose. In which case this was all in vain. FFS football. Why must you be so fickle?
The outfit
While we’re not averse to purchasing an England top, in fact this year’s is actually rather sassy, like fuck are we spending £53.99 on it. Instead get something that you’ll still be able to wear after the World Cup like this cropped stripey top from ASOS. It’s red and white so really who’s going to complain?
The decorations
It’s too late to get anything super cheap off the internet now for and the last thing you want is some plastic bunting with the St George’s cross on. C’mon people we’re all better than that. Tesco does have some surprisingly tasteful decorations though in the form of these lanterns which can totally be used again around Christmas. Or Chinese New Year. If you feel so inclined.
The food
Drunk football fans? Don’t even bother about cooking anything for these guys. Just buy seventeen different packets of Doritos (heavy on the chilli heatwave yeah?) and you’re good to go. If you do insist on doing something foodie, try making the dip instead of buying that weird cheese and onion shit you get in the packet that goes a bit weird if you leave it out for too long. Seeing as we’re playing Italy, mixing pesto with Philadelphia is a great shout (and cheap!) but for a slightly more complicated (and therefore showy offy) one, try this Basil Pesto Dip
The drink
Obviously get everyone to bring their own booze. You’re not a charity. But if you do fancy whipping something up to prove what a cocktail maestro you are, try the Amaretto Sour. Not only is Amaretto Italian (there’s not much choice on the English side, sorry) the zesty lemon juice is going to be key to perking you up when you find yourself struggling to stay up until the game’s over at 1AM.
Follow Jess on Twitter @jess_commons
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.