Are you at work reading this? Should you be doing something else, but can’t quite face it? Perhaps, if you didn’t make it, you’re one of the hundreds of thousands of Britons who are taking more sick days and working less because they’re hungover.
A Royal Economic Society study released today shows that the number of young workers taking a cheeky duvet day has risen by almost 2% since 2005. Bunch of wimps. It’s easy to drink till 4am and then clock in a full eight hours. You’ve just got to follow a strict routine…
The hardest thing you will have to do today is get out of bed. So just do it. Just imagine your house is on fire. Or your sleazy mate’s hand creeping up your leg. See, not that hard.
Leave your house on time, however terrible you feel. Don’t worry about showering, it’s a myth that people can tell if you haven’t. And don’t try to wear any clothes that are too complicated to put on (tights, playsuits, anything with buttons, nothing that zips up the back) – an oversized jumper and jeans is fine. Glug two pints of water and go.
On your way in, purchase the following:
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Put the Diet Coke in your bag; consume the rest.
Morning
Your hungover day will be won or lost in the first 20 minutes. It’s all about attitude. After all that food, you should be feeling not-too-terrible. Even if you are, pretend you’re not.
However, by about 3pm you’re going to be absolutely useless, so you need to get as much done as you can right now. Do everything that needs to be done well and leave menial tasks till later.
You probably had a lot of fun last night and you’ll want to tell everyone about it. But be careful – you tell your best mate you’re a wreck, then she tells the boss for a cheap laugh. Suddenly you’re under scrutiny. Better to just keep your mouth shut till you’re out of the office.
**Lunch **
Do a poo.
Afternoon
Here’s where it all falls apart. At about 3pm this wave of inability to do anything will wash over you. Your fingers will become like lead weights; your computer screen a blaring strobe. All you want to do is climb under a duvet. But you can’t. So what do you do? Organise files. Go for walks. Drink that Diet Coke (it’ll be the nectar of the gods at this point). Listen to some turn of the century UK garage. Do some financial housekeeping. Anything that stops you looking at the clock.
Before you know it, it’s 5pm. Go to bed. Watch an old episode of Friends. Sleep.
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.