The RHONJ gang may think they’ve cornered the market in ridiculous mother/daughter fights. One might watch Gia and Theresa ‘having a discussion’ at previously immeasurable volume and decibel levels, and think 'Truly this is the oddest fight I have ever had the good fortune to witness. I shall fetch more snacks, in order to prolong my enjoyment of this bonkers moment.' We certainly did. Then we had a brief think and realised some of the regular arguments we have with our own mother that make the RHONJ ding dongs look like the creation of a Brains Trust. Here’s a collection of baffling barneys that we have with our mums on the regular.
The kitchen bitch fight
It doesn’t matter how cool and forward thinking they claim to be, most Mums defend their kitchen with the ferocious, unchecked aggression of a 14-year-old boy who has just claimed a new territory in a game of World Of Warcraft. Fights about food are frequent, and no matter how well we’re doing at work, or even how long it is since we’ve moved away from home, most Mums don’t trust us to make toast without instruction, a process which quickly descends into shouts, screams and threats of marmalade-related violence.
'Did you know your top is see through?'
We reckon that everyone from Angela Merkel to Madonna has, at some point, had to deal with passive aggressive parenting from mothers who don’t care whether you’re running the Eurozone or running a marathon. The problem is they get awfully aggy when you sarkily respond, 'Oh no! Here’s me, thinking I put clothes on this morning when I must have gone and wrapped my torso in clingfilm by mistake! Darn it!’ Instead everything would just be a whole lot nicer if our mums just said: 'I can see your bra in that relatively modest translucent shirt from Zara, and it bothers me. Change.'
The disappointment of your uterus
Ever noticed that the very second our mothers stopped warning us about the clear and present danger of teen pregnancy, they started suggesting that we might like to get knocked up as soon as is biologically possible? Probably something to do with the fact that they kept finding themselves in Baby Gap, handing over cash dollar for tiny shoes, when the tiny feet to fill them don’t exist yet. Reign it in Mother.
Buy your own tights!
Admittedly, sometimes we’re the source of all matriarchal anguish. In a straw poll of friends and little sisters, over half of all respondents revealed that the last thing they had a big fight with their mum about was taking tights from the top drawer without asking. We'd sooner look for condoms in our Mum’s medicine cabinet than risk rummaging around to half inch some hosiery ever since Mum talked about installing a layer of barbed wire between the top of the drawer and the tights. She wasn't joking.
'Do you want me to dump your boyfriend for you?'
A rude, cruel, brutal, but as it turns out, sometimes entirely necessary question. Hopefully Mum has your best interests at heart, and she’s only being nasty about a bad-for-you-boy because she loves you. Worst-case scenario, though: She wants to wreck your relationship so she can make a move herself. Although this is almost never the case. Unless you're in Hollyoaks.
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.