In the olden days, aka pre-2010, the term ‘binge watching’ conjured up a rather un-savoury image: days alone with no human interaction other than the ping of (ignored) BBMs, the laptop screen lighting up the room as the Papa Johns guy dropped by again. It was an act of hindsight embarrassment, only realised when you were staring down the tunnel that is an empty bag of Doritos. However, now we’ve entered what is basically TV’s golden era, it’s totally acceptable to leave your phone un-charged, ditch your pals and watch seven episodes of Parks and Rec in one go. Here’s how to do it the Debrief way.
Don’t let it take over your life
Binge watching is not bad. Those weeklong takeaway-fuelled marathons are the exception, not the rule. Yes, I watched all of Orange is the New Black in a week – at two episodes a night. That’s less telly than Eastenders and Coronation Street combined; even with a series with a longer episode length, it would still only equate to a couple of hours – less time than a movie or a meal out.
Binge TV = good TV
The way Keith Richards has stayed alive all this time is because he only does the good stuff. It’s the same with TV. You don’t cane Hollyoaks. You cane The Wire or House Of Cards**, because these shows are worthy of blocks of our time; they have subtle story arcs that need consuming. Netflix commissions its shows to be dropped in one go; they are supposed to be watched in one or two glorious goes. And it’s good for the mind (maybe). Instead of surfing through 239 channels in an hour, in bursts of two seconds, pro-Bingers focus on one show; sucking in one series a week. It’s how we read books; it’s just a new way of consuming TV.
Forget the hype
There is nothing (in my book) that is more annoying than a media blitzkrieg before a show starts. I don’t want to see a million tweets about an interview with the producer; I haven’t watched the show yet. I’m NFI in the promo reels, the inevitable Twitter countdown and the general ‘buzz’. I’m a grown ass woman, I just want to watch the show and make up my own opinion. Which, obviously I will share on Twitter when the time comes.
Don’t worry about spoilers
Yes, it’s annoying when that girl in the office casually drops into conversation that she’s already finished all of House Of Cards and wasn’t it sad when X died (don’t worry, no one dies. Or maybe they do. I’m not saying). But the truth is that actually, there’s so much happening in the show because it’s been designed to be watched all at once, so smaller details are just as important as big ones, like a character’s death. If someone told you who had shot JR in Dallas, there would be no point in watching the whole series. But with something like The Wire, there’s so much more to pick apart and become attached to, that even with a spoiler it’s still enjoyable. However, if you really can’t deal, Netflix has made a spoilerfoiler, which blocks out people’s tweets on a certain subject.
Your Significant Other has watched ahead
Then they should be punished with all the washing up, forever. I have actually been told that should I decide to watch ahead in any series, I will be punished with ‘sadness, because it is our thing.’ Which is equal parts worrying and terrifying.
You have no friends because you have decided to watch all of ER from the start.
As if it’s a problem - your friends are all at home, phones left abandoned and uncharged, watching Arrested Development. The fact is we’re all doing it. Yes, being part of the conversation about the Underwood’s antics is important, and watching any show that’s just dropped (say, House of Cards) at your own pace means that you risk missing out on these. Don’t worry too much: according to a recent survey, 51% of binge viewing happens with a buddy. So at least half of us have a friend somewhere to share another pizza with.
Follow Hanna on Twitter @HannaHanra
Photograph: A****da Hamza
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.