How are you guys feeling about X Factor so far this year? If we're perfectly honest we're not desparately impressed despite us hailing it's return to greatness mere weeks ago.
Maybe it's just us being bitter at how terribly young some of the contestants have been (14? really?) or maybe it's the fact the Mel B hasn't delivered fully on being amazingly evil. Either way, we're hoping that with the advent of the live shows, we'll find a new love for it. Which would be handy, as now it's cold we're never going out again so some good telly to watch on Saturday night would be nice.
Anyways, here's a drinking game to play when you settle in this weekend. Have a booze every time any of the following things happen...
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Anytime a ‘kooky’ contestant is made to perform barefoot. ‘SORRY LOVE WE SPENT THE BUDGET ON THE PYROTECHNIC SHOW FOR BLONDE ELECTRIC. You’ll be doing an acoustic set sat on a swing surrounded by flora and fauna. You can stand up at one point, but don’t get carried away. Oh, and remember to look MOURNFUL.’ This is a fate most likely to befall Chloe Jasmine. As if you hadn’t already guessed.
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Any time a song is performed that has little to no bearing on the theme of the week, like the time last year that Sam Callahan inexplicably sang Relight My Fire in disco week (Nile Rodger performed FFS, it’s not like he had a dearth of tunes to pick from) or the time the year before when Jahmene Douglas sang I Say A Little Prayer during club classics week. Get it together guys. You’re better than this. Maybe.
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Any time you work out some terrible fact about how young the people in Mel, Louis and Cheryl’s groups are. Here’s a fun one: Jack Walton is so young he wasn’t even born when Wannabe came out. Yeah. Sleep easy tonight kids.
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Any time Dermot looks like he’s Over It. He's spent eight uninterrupted years on that show. No-one else has made that big of a commitment (except Louis, but the Rice Krispies mascots controlling his chirpy brain never get bored). Be it an eye roll during his opening ‘dance’ number or a full-on batshit breakdown when the eliminated contestant mechanically repeats ‘At the end of the day Dermot, I’m just happy that I got this far’ for the 9000th time, he’s got to be nearing the end of his tether.
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Any time a contestant that looked perfectly fine before ends up with a makeover that leaves them looking like the bastard child of Kanye West and Rita Ora by way of their local high street. Expect pleather a-go-go, big gold earrings (‘urban’ is ‘in’ right guys?), cropped denim and tracksuits. Oh, and pity the poor girl who ends up with the gelled-down Chola-esque hair curls with tightly braided corn rows too. She never saw it coming.
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Any time there’s an epic key change. Don’t drink every time there’s a key change, that’d be madness and you fall down flat on your face within twenty minutes. Just drink on the truly epic ones that involve gospel choirs, pyrotechnics and/or the ripping off of an outfit to reveal something barely nipple -covering below. Extra points if they use a children's choir.
Happy watching!
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Wannabe Is 18 Years Old, Here's Some Questions We're Still Asking About The Video
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.