Cooking for yourself is the best. I use the term 'cooking' extremely loosely, of course. In actuality, most of the time it involves chucking as many different foods on to a plate, and hoping it will constitute some kind of meal. Usually, these delightful platters of cuisine are kept in the privacy of our own homes, away from the judgemental eyes of people who actually care about the presentation of their food. But times are changing thanks to a Tumblr and
page called 'Dimly Lit Meals For One' which is showcasing these culinary delights in all their glory. Here are our favourites.
Bread and meat. What exactly is not to like here? I call this the double-pep bread. This is a modern-day take on 'meat and two veg' except it's 'two meat and no veg'. Okay, it's 'two meat'.
The Tumblr page says this is the star sign 'Capricorn' as a dimly lit meal, so I decided to see if it matches up with the classic Capricorn characteristics. Which are the following, apparently:
Practical – sure, I'll give them this one because it takes a practical person to make a meal. And that is what they've done.
Ambitious – not so much, feel like there's room for improvement.
Wise – I mean, they've remembered to eat, at least. That's pretty wise.
Disciplined – Pop Tart indicates the answer is no. Hello, sugar crash.
Patient – Absolutely. Do you have any idea the concentration it takes to roll a wrap and have it stay rolled? Exactly.
Cautious – They obviously realised the dangers of eating any food that wasn't beige, so yes.
I'd go on but I've actually got better things to do.
This is how I imagine the thought process behind this meal went:
'What do people eat with pie?'
'Chips'
'I don't have any chips. Will crisps do?'
'Definitely, they're called chips in the US so they're basically the same.'
'You should put it in-between two slices of bread, too.'
'You're a fucking genius.'
An ACTUAL square meal. Hahahaha. (Shut up, I know it's a rectangle).
Seriously, where the hell is the ketchup? They've had a shocker.
Sausage and mash is a classic but, two things: I didn't know sausages this long existed (get your mind out of the gutter) and gravy: why so watery?
Tuna pasta, et voilà.
My biggest problem here is that two liquorice beans have snuck in. Like, who's eating them in this day and age?
Like this? You might also be interested in:
Cheese Posties and Other Incredibly Inconvenient Convenience Foods
Follow Chemmie on Twitter @chemsquier
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.