I assume you have clicked on this article:
a) Because you are hosting aHalloween party
B) Because you are thinking about hosting a Halloween party
C) You are on the toilet and it was a toss up between this or a TRESemme shampoo bottle
D) You are my mum
I hope you don't mind, dear reader, but I am going to assume you are in camp's A and B and I will adjust the tone appropriately. WELL DONE YOU. You have picked the hardest party of the year to host. You have to make your house look spectacularly ghoulish. There are props to consider. Decorations. Scary food. Your costume is expected to be a notch and a half above your guests. You have the niggling 'would everyone rather be at that cool night in my local 'Spoons where there were promises of apple bobbing AND face paint' to bury. Kudos to you really.
We at The Debrief are here to help and we have enlisted everything you could need for your Halloween party and all the other things you probably forgot about. We are so ruddy helpful that we have actually added links so you can buy it now.
Halloween invitations
In 2016, party invitations are deemed 'retro', 'vintage' and something we wistfully tell small children about. 'Back in my day, we wrote all the party details on flimsy paper and people would RSVP by snipping off the bottom and circling the 'I WILL' be coming to your party in bright blue biro, none of this Facebook event lark, har har!' Well, nostalgia makes the world a happier place and these invitations look suspiciously like the ones I distributed for my year 5 Halloween sleepover. Brilliant.
Get your Halloween invitations here.
Some dead-fancy polish
Make your house shine brighter than a millennial's future (which isn't hard, pahahaha, half a joke, half an absolute travesty) by polishing everything. When people enter your party, they will be dazzled and polish smells like you have made an effort. In one fell swoop, you have convinced everyone you adult like a god damn pro.
Get your fancy polish here
A dead-fancy handwash set
If you are hosting a party, you need every single one of your guests to think you have your shit together and the quickest way you can fake this is by having a hand wash set sitting proudly in each of your loo's. This will give the impression that you are soooo adult that you care about people's cleanliness and their skin! Long gone are the student days of using shower gel as a make-shift hand wash, baby! This one even has lavender in!
Get your handwash set here
Toilet seat decoration
'How does one actually...er, wee?' was my first question when I stumbled upon this marvel. 'What a silly idea!' I guffawed! 'Everyone knows that toilets are ESSENTIAL to house parties and even if you had a house with six of the bastarding things there would still be a queue!' But then someone kindly pointed out that it is merely a sticker which goes on to the lid and the toilet still functions as usual which was greeted by a whopping sigh of relief by me.
Hanging knives decoration
Knives on walls are the scariest thing to happen in 2016 (remember, *that *house ad with the knives on the wall and it was mega. bloody. creepy? Google it.) Recreate the magic for your house party.
Get yourself some hanging knife decorations here
Halloween sweets
Not only will these be appreciated by your guests and not only will these be a tasty treat when you have a sore head, but they will also keep your trick or treaters happy. You forgot about them, didn't you! My housemate last year gave our trick or treaters a slice of her Domino's pizza because she felt like she had to give them* something*, which is quite frankly a waste of a Pepperoni Passion pizza. I don't even think 6-year-old children like Domino's pizza. Parents also become concerned when steamy hot triangles of cheese are given to their children, especially when there is no napkin. Everybody loses. Remember the trick or treaters, guys.
Get your lollypops here kids! * in the voice of the child catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang*
Playing cards
Number 7 in the house party rule book it quite clearly states 'one cannot indulge in a house party, without a poorly-executed drinking game that involves a pack of Apple Sourz stained playing cards.' If you need some drinking game inspiration, then be sure to check out our definitive guide.
Have a look at these spooky playing cards
Halloween punch bowl
Unleash your inner-witch by making potions in your own cauldron. Yes, potions are allowed to have gin in them.
Here is a punch bowl which is very halloween-y
Some really great speakers
'Cos the friend who promised to bring his, probably won't show up till 11pm and there will be, as some would say, no atmosphere till then. Imagine those awkward moments of silence, now imagine your pal trying to fill it with recounts of her dreams. NO don't.
Get your speakers here
Here is your non-lame Halloween playlist which you can blast out your shiny new speakers
Mop and bucket
For when someone voms.
Grab yourself a mop and bucket here.
Halloween sleeping bag
Yanno that person who passes out by 10pm after vigorous fist-pumping, wooing, aahing and insisting everyone plays beer pong as soon as they've taken their jacket off? What better way to look after them, then wrap them up in this unusual (see: AWFULLY BIZARRE) snuggle blanket sleeping bag mermaid tail thing. Top mate, you.
Buy your weird snuggle blanket mermaid tail thing here
Like this? Then you might also be interested in:
Gemma Styles: Since when did Halloween costumes become so competitive?
Alternative ideas for Halloween rather than queuing outside a nightclub
Follow Aimee on Twitter: @aimeejakes
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.