Halloween is coming. This of course means you’ll be spending the weekend applying fake blood like its lipstick, and making sniggery gags about about apple bobbing.
To help you find your way through the litany of events going down the length and breadth of the country, here’s the best that won’t cost you a penny.
**Halloween At Pet Pavilion - London **
This chain of pet shops in London are doing special events where you can take your favourite canine along, and get him or her dressed up in Halloweeny outfits. Some people say dressing dogs up is the first true sign of true madness. They might be right, but CUTE.
Saturday 31st October - All Day
**Ghoul Ranch - Sticky Mike’s Frog Bar - Brighton **
If your idea of Halloween mash-up nirvana is spilling your pint over a pretty emo boy’s shoes whilst you mosh to ‘Last Resort’ , then this is the one for you. This legend of a Brighton night is renowned for playing every pop-punk, spa-punk, emo and nu-metal banger you ever loved as a teen. Re-love them as a zombie.
Saturday 31st October - 23:00 - 03:00
**Ghostly Goings On - Glasgow **
Some like to go to clubs on Halloween. Some like to scare themselves watching silly films with ghosts, ghouls, or Kathy Bates. Some like to slap on a spooky lolz* outfit and go mooching around a country park for unknown japes and inhumanities. If the latter is you, get to Dams to Darnley Park. Bring a torch, obviously.
*but weather appropriate
**Samhuinn Fire Festival - Edinburgh **
Taking place in Edinburgh’s Royal Mile, this is a phantasmagoria of street performance and and theatre. Its traditions are firmly rooted in the pagan, and in and around you will be the physical depiction of Winter overthrowing Summer, with performers decked out in fiery horns and Wicker Man-cum-Pan’s Labrynth get-ups. Easy on the hairspray around all that flame.
Saturday 31st October
**Girls On Film Rocky Horror Special - The Deaf Institute, Manchester **
The Rocky Horror Picture Show’s reputation as world’s greatest horror-musical-campfest is incontestable. For this night at The Deaf Institute, organisers are stating: “Fancy dress is a must, and we’re talking full-on Frank N’ Furter..” A room full of boozy FnFs is both a glorious and truly nightmare-inducing thought.
It’s only free until 11, so early doors, yeah?
31/11 - 10PM - 3AM
http://www.thedeafinstitute.co.uk/event.php?id=935&d=2015-10-31 uCANda
**Halloween Party - Cafe Cairo, London **
Cafe Cairo is one of London’s truly unique venues. A boozy backstreet bedouin for hippies and hipsters, beards and weirds, it’s the sort of venue you can lose your mind in, but never your wallet (if you drop it, someone will just hand it in). They’re having a charity party there - for kids in Uganda, hence the name - which promises music along the lines of ‘mod at a hipster wedding disco’. Sounds pretty good to us.
21.30 - 01.30
**Halloween Havoc - Island Bar, Birmingham **
With the promise of WCW wrestling pay-per-views playing on the big screen downstairs, this is a not-to-be missed opportunity for fans of, uhm, wrestling. Blokes in leotards notwithstanding, the guys behind Takin Care Of Business are known all over Birmingham for their righteous love of hip-hop, soul and rock and roll. They’re playing downstairs, whilst upstairs in the tiki lounge (!!!) is the brilliantly named Construction Time Again, who are dropping those 80s hits you rightly love without irony. Fancy dress, obvs.
**Thriller - The Shipping Forecast, Liverpool **
If Rocky Horror is the ultimate horror musical, then ‘Thriller’ is the only Halloween video. This means there’s no finer place to moonwalk your way through another All Hallow’s than a night playing all night MJ. Unconfirmed reports suggest Liverpool’s charity shops are already running low on red leather jackets in readiness for the occasion.
10pm - 3am
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Follow David on Twitter: @Gobshout
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.