Whisky is on the cards this week, friends. Why? In honor of Scotland’s national poet Robert Burns’ (the guy who wrote Auld Lang Syne) whose birthday was on 25 January, people all over will be getting together to celebrate with things like speeches, poetry readings, haggis and of course, Scotch.
But there’s a bit of a problem. I can’t do whisky. I just can’t. I've tried but I’m not good at it. And I legitimately have this grown up fantasy of one day being able to nonchalantly stroll into a dimly lit bar, correctly order an actually good whisky by name and then retire into a sunken leather sofa to do that mysterious 'cool girl' thing of coyly people watching passers by as I sip on an oaky smokey beverage.
It’s safe to say I am not that girl. Even the most straightforward of whiskies makes my mouth sad.
You'd think it would be an obstacle to fully enjoying Burns night in the way Rabbie B intended. But fear not, there are ways to get around such things. Here's a cheat sheet to get you though the night.
What to drink if you really, really don’t like whisky
Here’s a curveball. If you find yourself in that awkward position of wanting to embrace Scottish tradition as much as really not wanting to be the only one of your mates not drinking anything whisky, consider a gin. Yes, a gin. Didn’t see that coming did ya?
There are lots of great gins like The Botanist and Carounn that are distilled in Scotland so you could go completely rogue and bask in Burns night merriment whilst sipping on a less intimidating G&T. Happy days.
What to drink if you don't like spirits at all
Don't worry, you can totally get away with ordering a pint on Burns night instead. You might already be pretty well aquainted with BrewDog beers, which yes, fun fact, is a Scottish brewery. So if you're already a fan of theirs, you're away. But if you want to sip on a double dose of Scotish produce, keep an eye out for anything by the Innis and Gunn brewery who have a range of craft beers that are matured in Bourbon barrels.
What to drink if you’re not a fan of whisky but feel obliged to give it a go
Don’t laugh, but you should genuinely order a Hot Toddy. I only rediscovered the beauty of it a few weeks ago when I found myself at the pub even though I had a horrible cold and didn’t really want to be there. Honey, lemon, hot water, cloves, cinnamon… what’s not to love on a nippy night? I’m not saying it definitely fixed my cold but it sure as hell didn’t hurt. And I totally forgot there was even whisky in there.
What to drink if you don’t like whisky but want to be part of the team
You’re probably familiar with our friend the Old Fashioned. It’s not the most adventurous of whisky cocktails and if we’re being honest, it’s so 2015. But if you’re less familiar with the drink, it’s whisky, bitters, sugar syrup and orange peel, which might be a good, straight forward place to start if you’re new to the whole whisky thing.
You’ll still get a flavour for whatever whisky they is used but the orange and sugar syrup should make the introduction to the whole whisky thing a bit easier.
What to drink if you kind of like whisky but it’s not your favourite spirit
How do you tackle a spirit you don’t really like? Add another one, obvs. Meet the Godfather. This one is dead simple, combine whisky with an equal measure of amaretto, pop it in a glass with ice and Rob's you're uncle.
What to drink if you actually bloody love whisky IRL. For reals.
You’re probably going to order a cut little dram of something I don’t know the name of and so don’t need my help. Go forth and conqur. You’re already the super cool whisky girl I wish I was.
Like this? You might also be interested in…
110-Year_Old Grace Says The Secret To Old Age Is Drinking Whisky Every Day
Follow Jazmin on Instagram @JazKopotsha
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.