Some things don’t need to be touched. Some things are better left alone. Some things are just fine on their own. And you know what’s already fine. No, sorry. Not fine but fantastic? Prosecco.
There’s a reason Britain went into melt time that one time we thought there was going to be a prosecco shortage. Sure, the reality of Brexit has put the fear of god in our eyes but our hearts are all a’panic over the prospect of having to pay more than £8.99 for a bottle of the good stuff.
But of course, we live in the age of caffeinated bagels, ice cream cloud conesand unicorn fucking frappés. So it doesn’t come as that much of a surprise to hear that our beloved prosecco has been given the mermaid treatment. Because make something a more Instagram-friendly colour and millennials will eat that shit up, right? Sigh.
Introducing Blumond. It’s the blue sparkling wine that you’ll probably see people talking about and non-ironically tagging their mates in posts about their Under The Sea party that this would be just perfect for.
‘We wanted to create something very special, excellent & unique that has not been created before, changing the color to a vibrant Blue and making the champagne sweeter and easier to drink... and that’s exactly what Blumond is!’, it explains on the Fratelli Saraceni website, where you can order it to the UK if you are so inclined.
The Italian Wine company’s blue creation is made from a mix of Prosecco blue curacao and peach, reports the Mail Online. It’s described as ‘seductive & flavourful’ (wouldn’t blame you for making a note of that for your Bumble bio) and ‘sweet, refreshing, light’, weighing in at just 7% alcohol. So, not technically a sparkling wine because for something to be legitimately labelled ‘wine’ in Italy, it needs to be 10%.
If you were wondering just how sweet this wine is though, don't worry. An enquirer by the name of morghen g used the website to ask how it bares in comparison to a Moscato, to which Saraceni Wines Official replied ‘”Blumond” is a SWEET Sparkling Wine, exactly like a Moscato. It has about 100 g/l of residual sugar and a refreshing taste of sweet peach’. So my guess is that it is really rather SWEET.
Maybe I'm old and boring. Maybe I'm a boozy traditionalist and a traitor to my generation. Maybe I just really bloody love prosecco because it lets me pretend that I'm living a fancy schmancy life when in actuality I'm drinking a double rollback bottle of fizz and can't afford my rent. But does this blue stuff not make anyone else sad? This makes me sad. It looks like a bubblegum flavour Panda Pop. Leave my beautiful, gold, not as sweet as a Moscato prosecco alone.
But then obvs if you do invite me to an Under The Sea party then fine, I'll drink it but I'll work really hard pretend not to be enjoying myself.
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.