Hey Tyler Oakley! Thanks for being our agony uncle today.
No worries.
So Tyler Oakley, if all my friends are hanging out and I’m not invited, how do I deal with the FOMO?
If I were to see my friends like that then I would see that, ‘Oh I see that I’m not a priority to them’ and then re-prioritise who I try to hang out with. Then I’d surround myself with people who include me or think of me even though that can sometimes sting. I think that it’s better to recognise if people are excluding you and to take charge of the situation instead of wallowing in it.
Thanks, Tyler Oakley! What if you meet a girl or a guy online and then when you meet up with them they look nothing like their pictures?
I would be upfront and be like, ‘You don’t look anything like your picture’. That’s them lying. If it’s a completely different person then I’d say something for sure. But if they’ve just been using better pictures – everyone uses their best picture when they’re on a dating website, so maybe get to know them for a second before you instantly write them off.
Good shout. So if you move to a new place, what’s the best way to make friends, Tyler Oakley?
When you’re an adult it’s harder to go and meet new friends, so what I’ve found is that when you get involved in things like a workout group or you know, arts and crafts or any type of thing where you can sign up and be a part of something that’s an interest. You never know who you’re gonna meet from that, from all different types of walks of life.
My favourite thing is a workout group. It brings together people from all different types of jobs and interests and you get to know people based on one common factor of people all trying to be healthy.
Great. So you’ve made friends, you’re storming along, but then one of your friends starts to get really successful. Obviously, you’re happy, but how do you deal with the jealousy?
I’d just say that you’re on your own journey. It’s super easy to compare yourself to others, but you don’t really know the specifics of what they’ve done or what got them to where they are and so to put yourself up against them is apples and oranges.
If you’re feeling some tinge of jealousy maybe just use it as inspiration or encouragement to try that extra little bit harder. Even ask them, ‘Oh I really admire how you did that – how did you get to that point?’ Or ‘What advice could you give me?’ It’s hard to swallow your pride and be happy for someone but when you do, you’re able to take the success of that friend and use it to fuel what you want do.
Rise above. Jolly well done. What about if one of your pals is going through something super heavy that you can’t relate to. How do you be there for them?
You can still empathise with it. The best thing you can do is be honest and say, ‘Listen I don’t have the answer, but I hear where you’re coming from, you’re right, it sucks, I’m there for you.’ Sometimes that’s all somebody needs to hear.
And if somebody were to offer me advice and they’re not in my situation and they don’t totally get it, I think I’d be annoyed if they tried to tell me what to do or how to do it. So just try to be there for them as much as you can, even if it’s just being a listening ear, or taking them out for dinner or whatever. Just to be there for someone is more important sometimes than trying to figure out the answer for them.
Thanks, Tyler Oakley. So if you move in with someone and they turn out to be a lot erm, messier than you expected, what do you say to them?
I’d say you can’t change people, but the quicker you say something the better because otherwise you’ll just start resenting them and it’ll blow up in a small way and it’ll be a bigger thing than it ever was. So, nip it in the bud.
But also understand that some people are gonna be who they are and if it’s something that’s a deal-breaker then don’t compromise what you’re OK with.
Finally, Tyler Oakley, what do you do if your best friend has just started going out with a terrible person. Do you say something?
I’d try to give them a chance because if my best friend likes them it must be for a reason. But I’m the type of guy that if you’re dating somebody that I don’t like, I’ll either tell you during and tell you after the break-up or say nothing at all. You have to be honest both before and after or not say anything.
Tyler Oakley’s book Binge is out now on Simon & Schuster.
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.