In his new book, Long Live The Queen, Bryan Kozlowski identifies the strategies that power our longest-standing monarch. Start with these five rules to tap into her iconic resilience. Tiaras optional.
I hereby banish negativity
Elizabeth’s upper lip is famously stiff. Brought up in the era of British stoicism, she doesn’t like to 'vent' her sorrows to others or ruminate on painful memories. 'I find that I can often put things out of my mind which are disagreeable,' the Queen once said. But what makes her seem like the biggest misfit in our modern age of emotional openness – and totally unfathomable to rawer hearts like Princess Diana – is actually one of her greatest strengths. So-called 'purposeful repressors', people who consciously dial down negative mind chatter, benefit from a kind of psychological armour, studies have found, preventing the crushing spiral of negativity from taking a mental foothold. As Elizabeth once observed with astonishingly accurate insight, 'The trouble with gloom is that is feeds upon itself and depression causes more depression.'
Develop your 'devoir'
There’s one longevity trait Elizabeth shares with active 90somethings around the world: a strong sense of purpose. The long-lived Japanese call it having an ikigai, 'a reason for living'. The Queen Mother, who lived to 101, knew it by the French term 'devoir', meaning duty. Elizabeth recognised her devoir at age 21, promising 'that my whole life, whether it be long or short, shall be devoted to your service…' Incidentally, the longer she has embraced her purpose, the longer her life has been lengthened – a virtuous cycle supported by studies showing the amazing biological benefits of living for something larger than yourself, from boosting your immune system to reducing your risk of Alzheimer’s. Elizabeth is in no rush to retire from the power of purpose, sharing the long view of her cousin, Queen Margrethe II of Denmark: 'I will remain on the throne until I fall off.'
Make time for play
In T. H. White’s royal classic The Sword in the Stone, young Arthur learns the art of kingship through the act of play – the same magical medium shaping and strengthening Elizabeth to this day. The Queen is one of those rare adults who have enjoyed an unbroken relationship with play into old age, still taking time, almost every day, to 'play' with the things she loved as a child (specifically horses). Doing so has kept her muscles active and her mind remarkably agile, thanks to play’s unique ability to suspend the brain in a flexible state of neoteny (helping to keep it, essentially, forever young). Clearly Elizabeth doesn’t want to end up like her inflexible grandmother, who regretted losing her playful spirit in old age. 'Do you know there is one thing I never did and wish I had done,' Queen Mary confided, 'climbed over a fence.'
Get out of your own regal head
The last time ego went to Elizabeth’s head she was seven years old, when she was reprimanded by her grandmother for being rudely imperious to a Palace courtier. Self-absorption, she soon learned, served royals ill. Her uncle David’s narcissism cost him the throne in 1936 and Princess Diana’s infatuation with the media riddled her with suicidal self-doubts. So from the beginning of her reign, the Queen made a conscious effort to get out of her own head as much as possible, to practice the virtues of what behavioral psychologists call 'self-distancing'. She even likes to speak in impersonal pronouns, choosing 'one' and 'we' over 'I' and 'me'. Because of it, she can, with a complete lack of vanity, comb through a daily onslaught of personal stories in the tabloids and still remain a detached and, oftentimes, amused spectator. Spotting an unflattering image of herself, the Queen has been known to self-deprecatingly chuckle, 'Oh Philip, do look, I’ve got my Miss Piggy face on.''
Keep the faith
The Queen might carry the Tudor title, Defender of the Faith, but faith has more accurately defended and carried her through her most turbulent times. It’s something she alludes to virtually every year in her Christmas broadcast, sharing that her deep spiritual beliefs have been an 'inspiration' and 'anchor in my life'. She attends church every Sunday and prays every night before bed, grounding rites that have been an essential component of her iconic resilience. Elizabeth possesses a strong 'external locus of control', as psychologists would say: in her case, a reassuring knowledge that whatever worries the world throws at her, there is a higher throne on which to lay them.
Best Books About The Royal Family
1 of 15Meghan: A Hollywood Princess by Andrew Morton
The man who interviewed Diana so famously takes on Meghan, interviewing those closest to her to uncover the story of her childhood: growing up in The Valley in LA, studying at an all-girls Catholic school and her breakout into acting. The book also delves into her previous marriage and divorce in 2013, her struggles in Hollywood.
2 of 15The Final Curtsey A Royal Memoir by the Queen's Cousin by Margaret Rhodes
The intimate and revealing autobiography of Margaret Rhodes, the first cousin of Queen Elizabeth II. This is as close to the royal family as you get. The publishers say: ' In the Second World War years she 'lodged' at Buckingham Palace while she worked for MI6. She was a bridesmaid at the wedding of her cousin, Princess Elizabeth to Prince Philip. Three years later the King and Queen attended her own wedding; Princess Margaret was a bridesmaid. In 1990 she was appointed as a Lady-in-Waiting to the Queen Mother, acting also as her companion, which she describes in touching detail. In the early months of 2002, she spent as much time as possible with her ailing aunt, and was at her bedside when she died at Easter that year. The next morning she went to Queen Elizabeth's bedroom to pray, and in farewell dropped her a final curtsey'
3 of 15Finding Freedom: Harry and Meghan and the Making of a Modern Royal Family by Omid Scobie and Carolyn Durand
Published in August 2020, this book is expected to be a 'bombshell' that it's been claimed will 'settle scores'. In its description, the publishers claim: 'Finding Freedom goes beyond the headlines to reveal unknown details of Harry and Meghan's life together, dispelling the many rumours and misconceptions that plague the couple on both sides of the pond. As members of the select group of reporters that cover the British Royal Family and their engagements, Omid Scobie and Carolyn Durand have witnessed the young couple's lives as few outsiders can.With unique access and written with the participation of those closest to the couple, Finding Freedom is an honest, up-close, and disarming portrait of a confident, influential, and forward-thinking couple who are unafraid to break with tradition, determined to create a new path away from the spotlight, and dedicated to building a humanitarian legacy that will make a profound difference in the world.'
4 of 15Ma’am Darling: 99 Glimpses of Princess Margaret by Craig Brown
Definitely one for fans of The Crown and its various Princess Margarets… She made John Lennon blush and Marlon Brando clam up. She cold-shouldered Princess Diana and humiliated Elizabeth Taylor. Jack Nicholson offered her cocaine and Pablo Picasso lusted over her. To her friends Princess Margaret was witty and regal, to her enemies, she was rude and demanding. Ma'am Darling looks at her from many angles, creating a kaleidoscopic biography, and a witty meditation on fame and art, snobbery and deference, bohemia and high society.
5 of 15Prince Charles: The Passions and Paradoxes of an Improbable Life by Sally Bedell Smith
This vivid, eye-opening biography--the product of four years of research and hundreds of interviews with palace officials, former girlfriends, spiritual gurus, and more – claims to be the first authoritative treatment of Charles's life that sheds light on the death of Diana, his marriage to Camilla, and his preparations to take the throne one day.
6 of 15The Mountbattens: Their Lives & Loves by Andrew Lownie
A well-researched deep-dive into the lives of Dickie and Edwina Mountbatten, a couple who witnessed much of the 20th Century's history – including Royal landmarks – at first hand.
7 of 15Lady in Waiting: My Extraordinary Life in the Shadow of the Crown by Anne Glenconner
The remarkable life of Lady in Waiting to Princess Margaret who was also a Maid of Honour at the Queen's Coronation. Anne Glenconner reveals the real events behind The Crown as well as her own life of drama, tragedy and courage, with the wonderful wit and extraordinary resilience which define her.
8 of 15Our Rainbow Queen by Sali Hughes
A photographic journey through Queen Elizabeth II's ten decades of colour-blocked style. From the dusky pinks the Queen wore in girlhood all the way through to #NeonAt90, by way of that hat she wore on the announcement of Brexit, and not forgetting her trusty Launer handbag ever at her side, this must-have collection celebrates the iconic fashion statements of our longest reigning and most vibrant monarch.
9 of 15The Diana Chronicles by Tina Brown
The original people's princess, Diana is the subject of many great books – this, by Tina Brown, is by someone who knew her personally and the world she inhabited.The book explores, 'Diana's sexually charged mother, her subtly scheming grandmother, the stepmother she hated but eventually came to understand, and a terrifying trio of in-laws and relations: Fergie, the force of nature whose life was full of its own unacknowledged pathos; Princess Margaret, the fading glamour girl; the implacable Queen Mother and more formidable than all of them, her mother-in-law, the Queen, whose admiration Diana sought till the day she died. Add Camilla Parker-Bowles, the ultimate "other woman" into this combustible mix, and it's no wonder that Diana felt the need to break out of her royal cage into celebrity culture, where she found her own power and used it to devastating effect.'So yes, quite a lot there.
10 of 15Diana: Her True Story – In Her Own Words by Andrew Morton
Formerly 'Her True Story' before it was revealed much of the book was based on taped interviews with Diana herself and the book was reissued, this is the often-quoted pretty much definitive story of Princess Diana.
11 of 15The Royals by Kitty Kelley
Originally not available in the UK for fear of legal repercussions, this book makes for a page-turner for Royal gossip fans. The description promises: 'Kitty Kelley has gone behind the scenes at Buckingham Palace, Windsor Castle and Kensington Palace to raise the curtain on the men and women who make up the British royal family. Queen Elizabeth, Prince Charles, Princess Diana...here are the scandals of the last decades: the doomed marriages and the husbands, wives, lovers and children caught in their wake and damaged beyond repair. No one is spared.'
12 of 15The Other Side of the Coin: The Queen, the Dresser and the Wardrobe by Angela Kelly
Angela Kelly has worked with The Queen and walked the corridors of the Royal Household for twenty-five years, initially as Her Majesty's Senior Dresser and then latterly as Her Majesty's Personal Advisor, Curator, Wardrobe and In-house Designer. As the first person in history to hold this title, she shares a uniquely close working relationship with The Queen, with the monarch's position.
13 of 15Harry and Meghan: Life, Loss and Love by Katie Nicholl
It's another book about Harry and Meghan, but coming from Katie Nicholl - one of the best authorities on the royal family - you know that it's good. This book details their romance right up until the royal wedding.
14 of 15Meghan Misunderstood by Sean Smith
The latest biography on Meghan Markle to hit our shelves (from November 12), the description says Sean Smith 'pulls no punches as he reveals the remarkable and powerful story of this self-made, intelligent American woman with a strong social conscience who has made such an impact on our lives.'
15 of 15Prince Philip Revealed: A Man Of His Century
Royal expert Ingrid Seward presents an incredibly in-depth exploration of the man who has stood by the Queen's side for decades. The perfect accompaniment to his forthcoming centenary celebrations next year.