It’s been a week of rollercoaster emotions over here at The Debrief (or, as we sometimes like to call ourselves when no-one’s listening ‘Dumbledore’s Army’). Earlier this week JK Rowling left her Twitter followers with an intriguing puzzle to solve. This was her first mistake. Never leave Harry Potter fans to speculate on our own time, it’ll only end in the sort of trouble an overactive imagination can bring.
Anyways, the puzzle was an anagram that she Tweeted, ‘Cry, foe! Run amok! Fa awry! My wand won’t tolerate this nonsense.’ Obviously, the cleverer people out there realised this translated to ‘Harry returns! Won’t say any details now! A week off! No comment.’ Which sort of makes sense, right?
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Sadly, though, it turns out they were wrong, and this doesn't spell the advent of another Potter novel. JK broke her silence to say that one fan who guessed the anagram translated to, ‘Newt Scamander’s History of New York Fauna: One town, my tale.’ was more on track with where they were going. Which means we’re less likely to get a new Harry book and more likely to get antother Fanstastic Beasts And Where To Find Them. *No-one wants a text book, right? If I wanted to study I wouldn’t have binned my acceptance letter to Hogwarts back in 1996 now would I?
*Full disclaimer: I never actually got one, the owl clearly died on route, but next year is almost definitely my year.
But being loyal Potterers, we remain ever-positive that one day JK will write something Potter-related that we’ll actually want to read.
Here’s what we’re hoping for.
She’ll write Hogwarts: A History
Even though Harry, Ron and the rest of their year couldn’t stand what is perhaps the most basic text any witch or wizard is required to read, Hermione pretty much had this one memorised and quoted it like, once a page. Just imagine the secrets contained in that book that have been off-limits to muggles for centuries! What was going on in Nearly Headless Nick’s day? Was Phineas Nigellus Black as big of a dick in real life as he is in his painting? We need answers.
She’ll bring the kids into play
Ergh, God, it took every last ounce of Potter fandom not to run crying to the hills at that last chapter of Deathly Hallows when little James Sirius, Albus Severus and Lily Luna were introduced. No-one wanted to see the once noble Dumbledore’s Army turn into a an army of *Guardian-*reader mums and dads who probably popped into Farrow & Ball to pick out paint samples on the way back home from Kings Cross. But, even though the original gang are now grown up and lame, could the kids be actually cool? Could little Scorpius Malfoy be planning a New World Order that only consists of Slytherins and that persecutes anyone sorted into Hufflepuff? James, Rose and Hugo would have to put a stop to that immediately. Hopefully Rose and Hugo don’t get massively bullied, though, because with parents like Ron and Hermione, it’s pretty much a given.
She’ll do the prequel thing
How fun was it delving into the memories the Pensieve could hold? Seeing poor Snape as ‘Snivellus’ held with underpants exposed gave fantastic insight into the early character development of the surly potions master. Perhaps a seven book prequel about the lives and times of Lily and James at Hogwarts? Obviously there’d be a pretty devastating ending when they died but at least you’d know it’d all end up OK. Plus, we bet Sirius was HOT at school. Douglas Booth to play him in the film!
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She’ll do an adult sequel kind of thing
Maybe grown up Potters and Weasleys aren’t as boring as we think. With the kids away at Hogwarts, those guys have all of a sudden got plenty of time on their hands. Are some ‘wands in the bowl’ type partner switching parties on the cards? Will Harry crack under the pressure of banality in life post-Voldemort and end up in rehab for butterbeer addicition? Will Hermione and Ron end up in couples’ therapy over Ron’s affair with a young intern at the Ministry of Magic? Tough and testing times lie ahead and we want in.
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**Follow Jess on Twitter @Jess_Commons or send written correspondance via owl mail directly to my new dorm room in the Gryffindor wing of Hogwarts Castle. **
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.