.jpg?ar=16%3A9&fit=crop&crop=top&auto=format&w=1440&q=80)
This week's book club choice is Nobody Tells You, a pregnancy and parenting book, compiled by Becca Maberly.
Birth Can Be Perfect by Lucy Johnson-Reid
I had 4 very different births, I was a bit worried about having a home birth for my last birth but knew it was for me. I am a hypnobirthing lover and I also love a pool birth and my last 2 births were quite fast with no problems, so I was a “good candidate
Ziggy was born in a pool at the end of our bed. The pool wasn’t warm enough so they repeatedly filled 2 big Le Creuset bowls to get the right temperature for the birth. The children were in the room until about 15 minutes before he was born, they then went downstairs with Nanny and Grandad to have breakfast while Mummy completed the last slog.
I was totally silent, I was so calm, I took in every sound, feeling, twinge, I knew EXACTLY what my body was doing. I was in control, I was a warrior, I even managed to keep my shit together in the transition stage (which is the part where you go “right that’s it, I can’t do this, I’m going home”). The midwife didn’t even know I had birthed Ziggys head. I made sure I felt his head while he was head out and his body was still in – as this was my last baby I wanted to experience it all.
With the next push he was born, I caught him and I put him straight on my chest, nobody had touched us, it was like magic. The boys were in the room within about 4 minutes to meet their brother. I got into bed, delivered my placenta and literally didn’t move all day, I lay in bed sniffing my new beautiful naked bambino, getting every bit of skin-to-skin love we could. I’m so happy that I got to experience that, it was the perfect end to my birthing days.
OUR ADVICE
Birth can be absolutely beautiful when it all goes according to plan. When Mother Nature does her thing right and you experience such a positive birth, it can feel very special indeed.
It is hard to try and manage your expectations about your birth as you often only hear about the extremes – the amazing birth or the horror story. And quite often it’s all down to luck. We hope you enjoy this beautiful story and it doesn’t make you feel sad if you didn’t get your dream birth. It is just meant to inspire.
WHAT TO EXPECT WITH A WATER BIRTH
When you get in the pool, you will realise quite quickly whether you like it or not. For many women, the feeling of the water is relaxing and calming, some describe it like “a big hug”. You will be able to move around and find a position that is comfortable to you, perhaps on your knees leaning against the side of the pool, or sitting down with your back leaning on the side.
The midwife or doctor will monitor your pulse and temperature and the heartbeat of the baby regularly. This will be approximately every 15 minutes or if your contractions are more regular, then sometimes after each contraction.
Some women enjoy being in the pool as their labour progresses, using the water as a form of pain relief, but may wish to get out to have an epidural, or to deliver the baby on dry land. However, many want to stay in the pool and deliver the baby in the water. As long as all the conditions remain good and stable, it may be possible for you to give birth in the pool if that is what you would like to do.
As your labour progresses the midwife may ask you to step out of the pool so that she can see how dilated you are and confirm when you are ready to start pushing. The midwife may encourage you to get into a position that will allow her to see the baby’s head as it is coming out. She may explain that she will not help the baby’s head out or even touch the baby until it is completely born. Babies have a dive reflex which will stop them from taking a breath underwater, but they should not be startled or this may interfere with this reflex.
When you have pushed the baby’s head out you will have to wait for the next contraction before you can push the rest of the body out. This thought may scare you or your partner as you may worry that the baby will inhale water, but their dive reflex will make sure they keep their airway closed until they reach the surface.
With your final push, the baby will come out, and you or the midwife can guide them to the surface and put them straight on your chest. The cord is normally cut whilst you are in the pool and then you can stand up and get out in order to deliver the placenta.
WHAT SHOULD I WEAR? Whatever feels comfortable. You could be naked, or wear a bikini top or vest. You obviously do not need to wear anything on your bottom half!
DOES MY PARTNER GET IN THE POOL TOO? This is something you can check with your hospital, but a lot of pools only have room for one.
IS IT TRUE THAT IF I DO A POO, IT’S MY PARTNER’S JOB TO FISH IT OUT? We think this is a bit of a myth, and we’ve never actually met a birth partner who has been asked to catch a poo and scoop it out. But there is a first time for everything!
The Fourth Trimester Is Just As Important by Amy Ransom
I wish I had discovered the glorious fourth trimester before my third baby. It’s a crucial period for you both – the first 12 weeks of your baby’s life and your new life as a mum where you mimic your baby’s environment inside the womb, outside – and allow yourself to make the transition into motherhood, gently, slowly and lovingly. Where you cut yourself some serious slack (and some cake). And focus on the most important thing of all: replenishing yourself after nine months of pregnancy and labour. And getting to know your baby.
Because, whilst it might seem obvious that this is what you should do, the reality is that lack of sleep, a comment from another mum whose baby is sleeping through, or a book you read, might make you feel you should be doing better.
Lower your expectations. Accept that you will feel up and down. Allow yourself to feel however you feel in any given moment.
In the first three months, at least, anything goes. There is no right or wrong so don’t tap into any worries or let them spiral into catastrophic thoughts.
Keep reminding yourself, ”I’ve just had a baby.“ You are doing amazingly.
OUR ADVICE
We seldom educate ourselves about and make plans for the postnatal period. Often called the fourth trimester, it’s just as important as the other 3 trimesters and we need to prepare ourselves for it as well as we do for those. So many of us have all the gear and no idea! The nursery looks like Instagram-ready, the drawers are filled with the cutest babygros, the bags are all packed, the books have been read and the hypnobirthing done, yet we haven’t made any plans for what is actually ahead.
We need to be honest with each other about what it is like and accept that it may not be all cuddles and beautifully photographed moments. We need to find a way to be realistic without scaremongering. You need the emotional and physical support for what is often the hardest part of the whole journey – settling in and finding a new normal.
There is no right or wrong way to behave in those first few weeks, but there is no doubt that taking it easy and accepting help are good things to do.
How to prepare for the fourth trimester
Think about your support network. Who can you count on for emotional and physical support? Who will come and push the buggy around the block whilst you have a nap? Who can you call when you are having a bad day?
Do you have a “policy” in place for visitors? Will it be a free-for-all or no visitors for the first 2 weeks?
What will you be eating? Ready meals? Takeaway? Does your partner cook? Can you fill your freezer in advance? Have you mastered online grocery shopping?
Try not to commit to anything too stressful too early on. Friends will understand if you can’t make their events.
Where will you get support with breastfeeding if you need it?
What groups and centres do you have near you that run mother and baby activities?
If you spend a little time thinking about some of these things before you give birth then you will be in good stead for the weeks and months ahead. This is not an exhaustive list, but it’s a good place to start.