MINE by Emily Merrill. Luke was silent, chewing his lip and clenching his fist around the bottle of beer. I felt my face fall.
“You did this without even telling me? I thought we were meant to be a team.”
“I only didn’t mention it because it was a shot in the dark.” I hadn’t thought he would see it this way. I gulped back the fear that was rising in my chest. The fear that I’d done something very wrong. I grabbed his arm but he shook me off.
“God Avery. Why do you have to ruin a good day?”
“I just thought that…” I trailed off, nothing springing to mind.
“Thought what?” I felt a creeping up my spine; the horrible feeling that I’d messed up.
I tried to backtrack, plastering a smile on my face and starting to get up off the couch. “It doesn’t matter. It’s nothing, really.”
He pulled me back down, winding me. “Avery.” It was a warning. The back of my neck prickled. “Look at me!”
I jumped, reactively looking him in the eye. I tried to remember that he loved me, and I was being paranoid.
“Why would you want to abandon the plans we’d made?” His voice quieted. “Those plans are the only thing getting me through this year. This job.”
“I’d never thought of this option before. It doesn’t change anything. We can still go to London. I wouldn’t make a decision like this if I didn’t think it was right for us.”
“You shouldn’t be making a decision like this on your own at all! I love you, but you make it so damn hard.” His voice broke on the last word as he scrubbed at his eyes, swaying a little. “You don’t keep your promises anymore Avery.”
I didn’t dare argue.
“We had it all planned out.Our future, your future.” I felt myself physically recoil, and I wanted to retaliate, but something inside me warned against it. This didn’t feel like any of our fights in the past.
“Damn it!” He raised his arm, throwing his beer across the room.
“Ow!”He’d clipped my jaw with the bottle. I clasped my hand to the spot near my chin that throbbed.
“Oh my God.” Luke’s eyes were wide. “Let me see.”
I had recoiled, moving away from him, but he stepped forward, gingerly taking my hand away from my jaw. I stared at the ground, where the bottle had smashed, fizzy liquid seeping into our rug. Thank goodness it wasn’t Eliza’s red wine. I recited the method to get beer out of a carpet in my head. White vinegar, detergent, warm water. White vinegar, detergent, warm water.
Luke put his hands on my face, bringing me back.
“Avery. I’m so sorry.” He clasped his hands behind his neck and started pacing. “I wasn’t thinking! I just got so angry. I just wanted to smash something. I didn’t mean to …” Luke’s breathing hitched, and I put my hand on his chest, steadying him.
“It was an accident.” My voice rose at the end. It wasn’t a question. And yet.
“Of course it was an accident.” Luke pulled me toward him. “I must be drunker than I thought. I had no idea you were that close.”
I exhaled, closing my eyes. It had been an accident. I’d seen it. I ignored the feeling in the pit of my stomach that screamed this was the second accident we’d had in a very short space of time.
“Luke, I–” Part of me wanted to tell him to leave. Wanted to tell him to leave me for good.
“Avery, I know that you’re sorry for applying without telling me.” He held my chin. “It’s okay, we’ll just tell Eliza that we were drinking and messing around and you slipped. No big deal.”
I stopped.
“What if it is a big deal?”
“No. It’s not.” He kissed me gently. When he kissed me like this, like I was something precious, I crumbled. My jaw ached as I pressed my fingers to it and I knew I would have a mark in the morning. Was that a small price to pay for the days like the one we’d had today? Where we laughed about nothing and I was reminded of who we used to be?
“Avery?”
“Hmm?” I was calmer now, my heart beating slower in my chest. I ignored the sting of my jaw. Ignored the sting of my broken heart.
“Delete the email.”
I’d wanted to celebrate, pour myself another glass of wine and snuggle up with my boyfriend, basking in the success of both our weeks. But it had been me who had kept this from him. Maybe I deserved to be in the wrong. I opened up my phone and did as he’d asked.
“I feel better now. Like I can see our future again.” He smiled at me. “I’ve got to go.”
“Where?”
“Home. I need to cool off, and I don’t want Eliza to see us upset.”
“I’m sorry about the application.”
Luke stroked my hair. “I know. I’m sorry about the bottle. I really am. I shouldn’t drink this much, no matter how tough the week has been. I know that.”
“It’s fine.” I bit back everything else as he gathered his things and turned to leave.
He looked closely at my chin. “You’ll be able to cover it up with makeup, right?”
I paused. If it was really an accident, why did I need to hide it?
“Yeah. Yeah I can cover it.”
The door shut, and after a few seconds my body started moving like clockwork, taking the shards of glass in the kitchen over to the recycling bin. I watched my hands move to the cupboard like they weren’t even mine, picking up the bottle of white vinegar to remove all evidence of the beer. White vinegar, detergent, warm water. I changed into a pair of pyjamas, desperate to shed the feeling of unease. The whole time I wandered around the lounge in a daze, cleaning up after my mess, the same thought circled my brain. People that love you aren’t supposed to hurt you.
So what were you supposed to do when you couldn’t seem to stop loving them?
MINE by Emily Merrill (Salad Pages)