What the hell parents. For some reason nearly all of you chose to have your procreation bonk sessions in either February or June because according to our Facebook events list, everyone we've ever known has their birthdays in and around March and October.
This not only makes for an insolent liver at the end of the month - best do some making up to him before December rolls around - it also means you're light on the old cash front. On account of all the trinkets and boozes you're buying for all your friends that they'll forget about in a few minutes that is.
Because you don't have time, or cash to go traipsing around the shops to buy presents for all and sundry and you certainly don't have time to wait for online delivery, we've put together a handy purchasing guide, all high street based, to help you on your merry way. You're welcome. Enjoy birthday season. Christmas season comes next.
For your friend who is always poor - Starbucks Gift Voucher
Forget the basic bitch connotations - judging by how much people are 'gramming their pumpkin spice lattes with the hashtag 'basic', girls of all backgrounds still dig Starbucks in all it's mocha-walnut-latte-soya glory. The immediate beauty of your present might not be immediately apparent to the gift receiver but four days of free coffee later and they'll totally get it. Also, how far do you have to walk to get yourself to a Starbucks? Not very far. Minimum effort required with this one.
For the magpie - Urban Outfitters bracelet
Cheap as chips but looks more expensive. This charm bracelet is an excellent addition to anyone with an already extensive collection of jewellery. If you're really cheeky then pop it out of the packaging and put it in a little box and spin some super-vague yarn about a flea market on holiday in a non-specific country. Just make sure you're not wearing your own version that you obviously bought for yourself too.
For the girl with the excellent beauty shelf - & Other Stories Sirocco Sands Body Souffle
Or you know, anything from the & Other Stories beauty range because it looks SO nice displayed all out there in your room. Also, they're really good. And they probably won't have it.
For the 'shy retiring wallflower' - Ann Summers Silver Vibrating Bullet
If she's always banging on about her sex life, give her something to actually bang. Like this mini vibrator that actually looks really rather classy. Even better Ann Summers are currently having a billboard sale which means a whole bunch of their sex toys are half bloody price.
For the girl who's actually got a nice house
Whether her parents bought it for her or she pays a shedload of rent, this girl's got a place that you all imagine that one day you'll be able to afford. Everyone loves a pineapple in interior decorator world right now but that best part about this pineapple candle holder is that it's not even five quid.
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.