I will start by admitting that Past Me once said “Ho ho ho, who would spend over a hundred pounds on a pair of cashmere ‘Beach Pants’?” and Present Me not only owns the Beach Pants, but spent an extra tenner in order to get the Outnet to bring them to me within 24 hours. So when Byredo announced the launch of its Toile textile perfume, I clutched my sides and gasped “Tee hee hee! Who is going to spend the best part of fifty quid on posh Febreeze?” Yes, that’s me with my hand up, staring at the floor, feeling vaguely ashamed of myself for ever pretending that I wouldn’t be into it.
I love perfume in the way that other people love pop music, and everything Byredo makes gets me as giddy and obsessive as any One Direction fan. Also, the brand has always positioned itself as a holistic creator of scents - fragrance doesn’t begin and end with our bodies, it fills our lives. My first Byredo experience was with a scented candle, Cotton Poplin, which I think smells exactly like innocent, enthusiastic honeymoon sex in a Mary Wesley novel. Ben Gorham, the man behind the brand, started out studying fine art and chose perfume over painting. I think of his scents as tiny, vivid universes, intricately embroidered with complicated details.
There is a breed of Bougie Basic (I am you) who lives for Bibliotheque, the scent of Audrey Hepburn in Funny Face before she meets Fred Astaire, and another who is obsessed with Gipsy Water, which is available in a range of products and can therefore make you, your hands and your house smell like a charismatic cult leader. I’m huffing my own ponytail after spraying it with Mojave Ghost hair perfume, which (I think) makes me smell like a wayward Constance Billard runaway off to the desert to cast Wiccan spells on cute boys to get them to fall in love with me. Gorham knows that what we smell, and where we smell it, is a vibe and a mood.
Toile might be first cousins with my first love, Cotton Poplin. It claims to be ‘fresh yet illusive’ and it contains ‘the abstraction perfumers use to hush over dramatic flowers,' whatever that means. On first spray, I am a tiny bit disappointed, as it doesn’t quite deliver the narcotic, swoony hit I was hoping for. I give it a fairly revolting, Daz-style challenge: it goes on a Snoopy blanket that may have been caught in the no-man’s-land between my mouth and a forkful of cashew chicken. It goes on the cushion that I keep waking up on just before bed, as I come to when I realise that it is damp with drool. Finally, it goes on my own gross, unwashed forearm, which is fresh from my nearest rowing machine. It smells strangely absent, slightly silvery, and…yes! Like fresh laundry! Fresher than my own actual laundry ever does, in fact.
Slowly, subtly, I start to feel a bit more relaxed. I have transformed my home and my arm into an expensive hotel. It’s deeply calming, this nothing-y, fresh-sheet scent. While I’m sure this was not Gorham’s intention, if your attitude to life is a laundry-averse one, I reckon you could get an extra week out of your sheets with a quick spray. In fact, the launch has been perfectly timed because we’re right at the beginning of barbecue season. I can wear all of my dry clean only chiffon dresses without worrying that anyone is sniffing me and detecting last year’s onions! If you’re a smoker, a pet owner or just a very messy person with a fondness for obscure blue cheeses, your days of panicky window wafting are over. Spritz your cushions and clothing with Toile and you could be the next Mrs Hinch.
Like cashmere Beach Pants, Toile spray is more useful than I ever thought possible - I might have just about grown out of Febreezing my jeans, but I shall be spraying with impunity. Obviously I would never tell you to use Toile instead of washing your clothes - but in all honestly, if you made that decision, I don’t think anyone would be able to tell.
Other home fragrance hacks to try:
For that weird smell in the hall that might be the ghost of your housemate’s old trainers:
Rituals, Ayurveda Fragrance Sticks, £13.50
For the rebel smoker whose parents are paying a surprise visit:
Diptyque, Baies candle, £27
For the aftermath of a deeply indulgent dinner with a hot date:
Aesop, Post Poo drops, £20
The Best New Beauty Products You Should Buy Now 2020
1 of 45Biossance Squalane + Vitamin C Rose Oil, £61
Not a fan of oils? We can guarantee this lightweight, potent blend will convert you. Powered by hydrating squalene and brightening vitamin C, skin looks positively radiant after use.
2 of 45Lixirskin Peel Express, £31
For spa-worthy skin that bestows a post-facial glow, give this potent peel a whirl. Packed with acids and enzymes, massage into skin and leave on for 20-minutes before rinsing off to reveal your new found radiance. (NB: not suitable for very sensitive skin)
3 of 45Caudalie Resveratrol Lift Firming Cashmere Cream, £42
Formulated with a patented collagen booster, expect skin to look plumper, firmer and a lot perkier after using this daily.
4 of 45Summer Fridays Soft Reset AHA Exfoliating Solution, £49
Saturate a cotton pad and swipe this solution of AHAs onto clean skin daily to sweep away dulling dead skin cells and restore some radiance.
5 of 45bareMinerals Skinlongevity Long Life Herb Serum, £37.50
Clinically proven to strengthen the skin's barrier, this serum wards off environmental aggressors (including pollution) while plumping fine lines with the powerful long life herb from Japan.
6 of 45Decleor Rosemary Officinal Targeted Care Solution, £18.50
Tackling maskne? Try this blemish banishing solution from Decleor. Blended with a mix of essential oils, it will calm down redness and help to balance oil regulation.
7 of 45Garnier Organic Hemp Facial Oil, £11.99
Hailed for its calming and soothing skincare properties, this hemp facial oil is a godsend for stressed out, sensitive skin.
8 of 45Drunk Elephant Wild Marula Tangle Spray, £21
Spritz this lightweight, leave-in mist on to damp hair before blow drying for smooth, shiny and bouncy results.
9 of 45Redken Extreme Length Sealer, £19.50
Covet long, luscious lengths? Turn your head to this leave-in treatment from Redken, pronto. Powered by biotin, the cream seals split-ends and moisturises the hair from the inside out. Double win!
10 of 45Oribe Serene Scalp Balancing Shampoo, £45.50
Yes, it's expensive. But this clever formula tackles itchy, irritated scalps with exfoliating salicylic acid. It also helps to strengthen strands with pea shoot while lemon and orange extracts maintain healthy, hydrated hair.
11 of 45Oribe Serene Scalp Balancing Conditioner, £49
For a real scalp treat, double up and invest in the luxury conditioner too. Formulated with hydrating shea butter and strengthening quinoa - say hello to shiny, happy hair.
12 of 45Pureology Instant Levitation Mist, £26
Mist this spray through damp roots to add volume and bounce in an instance. The clever formula also provides heat protection as well as protection from environmental aggressors with vitamin E and sunflower seed.
13 of 45Ciaté London x Miss Piggy Collection All About Moi! Cheek Palette, £29
Take a trip down memory lane with this joyful, pretty-in-pink make-up collaboration between Ciaté London and Miss Piggy. The standout? This creamy blusher palette housing four rosy shades with matte, sheen and glow formulas.
14 of 45DECLÉOR Rosemary Mask, £41.50
Blended with black clay and salicylic acid, this luxurious mask works to minimise the appearance of breakouts and blemishes - ideal for 'maskne'.
15 of 45CeraVe Cream to Foam Cleanser, £12.50
Obsessed with CeraVe? Us too, which is why you need to try this cream-to-foam cleanser asap. Lightweight and gentle, it does a stellar job at removing make-up, grime and pollution.
16 of 45Shiseido Ultimune Defense Refresh Mist, £56
Dry, thirsty skin? Keep this spray within arms-reach and mist your face whenever you need a pick-me-up. Plus it comes with a refill for when you run out.
17 of 45Ameliorate Transforming Facial Serum, £33
The brainchild behind our favourite Transforming Body Lotion, Ameliorate has just dropped a collection of products to target the skin on our face. The hero? This hydrating, nourishing serum that gently exfoliates skin with Lactic Acid.
18 of 45Typology Tinted Serum, £24.80
New brand from Paris, Typology hit the mainstream earlier this year with its curated edit of simplified skincare solutions using naturally-derived ingredients. Now, venturing into make-up - the brand has just launched this incredibly lightweight tinted serum packed with vitamin C and aloe vera to brighten and hydrate skin while providing good coverage.
19 of 45Westman Atelier Super Loaded Tinted Highlight - Peau de Rosé, £65
This looks like a powder, but in fact it's a creamy highlighter that delivers just the right amount of shimmer. Top tip? Gucci suggests skipping foundation and wearing Peau de Rosé on bare skin with just a brushed up brow.
20 of 45L'Oreal Paris Air Volume Mega Mascara, £10.99
Oh this mascara is a goody. With a thick, bristled brush that coats every single lash - you get lots of volume without lashes feeling weighed down or clumpy.
21 of 45Lisa Armstrong MATTEiculous Lipstick, £12
Matte but non-drying, these affordable lipsticks from make-up artist, Lisa Armstrong, are creamy and moisturising with impressive staying power.
22 of 45Nars Tinted Glow Booster, £28
New in from Nars, this glow-bestowing tinted cream is blended with pearlescent pigments to create a luminous finish. Use alone, under foundation or on top as a highlighter.
23 of 45Anya Hindmarch In-Flight I Am A Plastic Bag travel bag, £250
Travel bags don't come much chicer than this. And while, yes, we're not travelling as much at the moment - this recycled nylon bag is the perfect size for weekends away and staycations.
24 of 45Dolce & Gabbana Passionlips Lipstick, £36
Of course you need another new lipstick. Specifically, this cream-to-powder skinny lip pen that glides on for a soft, matte finish. Available in 16 shades, we love this poppy red for autumn.
25 of 45Essie ExprEssie Quick Dry, £7.99
Love having your nails painted but hate the drying time? Turn your talons to this quick drying polish that takes just one minute to dry (we're not kidding). Available in 20 shades spanning everything from olive green to burgundy and grey - this is the perfect nail collection to match your Autumn/Winter wardrobe.
26 of 45Elizabeth Arden Hyaluronic Acid Ceramide Capsules Hydra-Plumping Serum, £75
Serving up a daily dose of hyaluronic acid and ceramides, these travel-friendly ampoules hydrate and strengthen the skin's barrier.
27 of 45It Cosmetics Your Skin But Better Foundation + Skincare, £32
Responsible for creating the best CC cream out there, It Cosmetics are back with a brand new expertly formulated foundation. Combining skincare with great coverage, this lightweight base lends skin a dewy, even glow while toning and smoothing the skin's surface over time, too.
28 of 45Jo Malone Townhouse Candle Green Tomato Vine, £90
Unsurprisingly, sales of candles have shot up during lockdown. As we're spending more time at home we want it to be a cosy, warm and relaxing environment. To elevate your living room aura, invest in this chic ceramic candle from Jo Malone's latest collection.
29 of 45Urban Decay Naked Ultra Violet Palette, £43
When it comes to eyeshadow palettes, Urban Decay always deliver. The latest Naked edition comes complete with 12 beautiful shades spanning from warm neutrals to cool mint and deep, rich purples. Get experimental and have fun blending.
30 of 45Percy & Reed Beyond The Beach Texture Spray, £16
For that gorgeous, beachy texture, get misting this wave spray blended with Cornish sea salt to amp up texture and create hold for those wavy hair 'dos.
31 of 45Shiseido WASO Silky Smooth Sakura Mochi Mask, £10
Elevate your Sunday spa session with this easy-to-mix face mask. Simply pour the powder into the cup and add the liquid agent. Stir the mixture before spreading it onto cheeks. After 5 minutes, take it off and revel in your new found glow.
32 of 45Ciate London Cheat Sheets, £16
These nifty nail art stickers look so good you'd be fooled into thinking they're the real deal. Simply choose an individual sticker, press onto bare or dry nails and seal in with a slick of top coat.
33 of 45Huda Beauty Legit Lashes Mascara, £24
News flash: the queen of full-impact lashes, Huda Kattan, has just launched her first ever mascara and it has not just one, but two wands and formulations. 'Curl & Length' is a curved brush that grips on to every single lash, pulling them upwards and outwards. 'Volume' is an hourglass-shaped wand that really plumps up the lashes for a fluttery, full finish.
34 of 45Loewe Paula's Ibiza Perfume, £70
All salty air and sexy musk, this concoction of coconut water, mandarin oil and frangipani flower is White Isle summers, bottled.
35 of 45Charlotte Tilbury Airbrush Bronzer, £39
This is your partner in crime for setting off a tan. From cheekbones to temple, collarbones to shoulders, a bit of this perfectly matte bronzing powder will get you that J-Lo glow in no time.
36 of 45Biossance Squalane + Lactic Acid Resurfacing Night Serum, £56
Vegan, cruelty-free and sustainable, Biossance is the latest beauty brand to get behind that doesn't skimp on efficacy. Apply this gentle yet powerful 10% lactic acid serum before you hit the hay and wake up to a bright, bouncy complexion.
37 of 45Dior Addict Stellar Halo Shine Lipstick, £30
As comfortable as a balm and as pigment packed as a lipstick, Dior's new starry lip shine lends lips a shimmery, glossy glow.
38 of 45Balance Me PHA Clarifying Mist, £18
Ideal for oily and blemish-prone skin, Balance Me's new Facial Mist is packed with powerful PHAs to gently exfoliate skin as well as several antibacterial ingredients to tackle shine and calm irritation.
39 of 45Avène ComedoMed, £18.50
Avène's new cream regulates sebum production whilst reducing the appearance of active blemishes. In clinical trials, 90% of users reported clearer skin in just 7 days. Impressive.
40 of 45Elf Cosmetics Liquid Glitter Eyeshadow, £5
Totally foolproof with zero fallout, glide this liquid glitter shadow across lids and press in with fingertips for a dazzling, Zoom party look.
41 of 45& Other Stories Humlegarden Shower oil, £13
Leaving limbs smooth and scented of clean cotton, this shower oil gently cleanses while moisturising skin. Formulated with ingredients of 63% natural origin.
42 of 45Kate Somerville DeliKate Recovery Cream, £69
Stressed, sensitised skin? Give Kate Somerville's DeliKate Recovery Cream, £69, a whirl. Blended with skin-soothing peptides and barrier-supportive ceramides, it will calm and restore stressed out skin back to its former glory.
43 of 45Larry King Liquid Hairbrush Conditioner, £42
Hair, meet Larry King's savvy Liquid Hair Brush - a mane-changing, detangling conditioner that smooths and seals strands so battling with a hairbrush becomes a thing of the past.
44 of 45Zara Amalfi Sunray Candle, £15.99
Inspired by a sun-baked stroll through Italian streets, this candle will scent your home of bergamot, mandarin and orange flower. Bliss.
45 of 45Drunk Elephant F-Balm Electrolyte Waterfacial Hydrating Mask, £44
Bring Zoom-hungover, dehydrated skin back from the brink with this ultra-hydrating overnight face mask. Featuring a smart combination of skin-loving ingredients like niacinamide, ceramides and squalane - skin feels pillowy-soft and hydrated come morning.