First of all, why have you done this to yourself? There's no chance you're going to find a ring in that chocolate fondant, it's far too cliche, and if you haven't whispered those three words yet (not Acne sample sale, concentrate please) then February 14th is really not the night to do it. In fact another three words immediately spring to mind: too much pressure. Still, if you insist on going against all of my good advice and attempting the most soppy and romantic (read: awkward and intense) date of 2014 then here are some tips on how to survive, and look killer while you're doing it. Just don't come complaining to me when your burgeoning relationship collapses quicker than a limp souffle, k?
Waterproof mascara, for the tears of joy. Or just the tears. Mascara, £14, Mac
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A ring (put it on your wedding finger) so all the other couples sitting around you in Zizzi (I know, but honestly it's going to be the only place you can get a table) don't give you pitiful looks as you scrape at the bottom of your dessert dish. We know we're scraping because we love pudding. They think we're scraping for a diamond. This Pamela Love ring's particularly appropriate because not only does it have a heart, it's actually made from a bullet. Ring, £107, Pamela Love%20so%20all%20the%20other%20couples%20sitting%20around%20you%20in%20Zizzi%20%20don't%20give%20you%20pitiful%20looks%20as%20you%20scrape%20at%20the%20bottom%20of%20your%20dessert%20dish.%20We%20know%20we're%20scraping%20because%20we%20love%20pudding.%20They%20think%20we're%20scraping%20for%20a%20diamond.%20This%20Pamela%20Love%20ring's%20particularly%20appropriate%20because%20not%20only%20does%20it%20have%20a%20heart,%20it's%20actually%20made%20from%20a%20bullet.%20Ring,%20%C2%A3107,%20Pamela%20Love){href='/wp-admin/A%20ring%20(put%20it%20on%20your%20wedding%20finger)%20so%20all%20the%20other%20couples%20sitting%20around%20you%20in%20Zizzi%20(I%20know,%20but%20honestly%20it' }.
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Fuck it, it's Valentine's day. Anna Della Russo's probably wearing bunny ears and a candy thong, a velvet babydoll is the least you can do. Add faux fur as required and wait for the long stem roses to start flying at your face. Dress, £260, Opening Ceremony.
Life lesson alert: never look like you've freaked out and re-done your make-up three times which you unquestionably will have because you're going on a date on Valentines day for some absurd reason. A good dose of dry shampoo will give even the glossiest blow-dry an air of "where the hell am I". Works for Britney. Dry shampoo, £7.11, Fudge.
Silky underwear. To be honest I'm only putting this in here because it's on sale so you can get a set for £15. Oh and because it's really pretty, and red, and oh go on you might as well, it is Valentines day after all. Underwear, £15, Playful Promises.
Moschino Cheap & Chic was invented to be worn on the festival of love, end of story. Bag, £294, Moschino Cheap & Chic.
Or you could forget the lingerie and the velvet and just wear this, because it is what everybody's thinking, after all.
Whatever you do, don't take: a warm jumper, an iPhone 5 charger, comfortable shoes. You're going to need a failsafe excuse to get out of there if you need to, so remembering all the stuff you know you need like a proper functioning adult is just not going to cut it.
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.