Not to revert immediately to my natural state of complaining (my poor, poor family), but this weather really makes it a bitch to get dressed in the morning.
There I go skipping out the door, bare legs, Birkenstocks and a full coat of SPF, and here I am shivering in the steam room at the gym just desperately trying to feel my toes again. It's not easy when the beautiful warm sun is cut through with an icy chill, it means the only two temperatures you can successfully mediate between are 'uncomfortably sweaty' and 'grasping at strangers for warmth'.
While the really sensible solution would be to carry a bag containing a whole lot of freshly laundered under-layers, I'm not sensible and I don't possess the ability to plan ahead. So instead, here are my outfit ideas for the Affogato of seasons. No you may not go back and re-read that last line in shock. Just move on.
**1. Cashmere is your best and only friend
**Remember that time in year seven, when you came home from school and cried into your spaghetti and realised your dad was the only person you could really trust on the entire planet and, ugh, everyone else was just horrid? Well imagine that cashmere is your dad (or mum, or sibling though that's unlikely, or pet) because it really is the only fabric you can trust in spring. Unlike all things man-made, which lack the ability to regulate your temperature, cashmere wraps you up in a big, warm hug and blows on your forehead when you're too warm. Search Twitter for local cashmere sample sales because that is incredibly grown up and not at all obsessive.
Cashmere hoodie, £279, Brora
**2. A polo neck
**Find the right polo neck and you can rock an early spring bare leg without accidentally giving yourself pneumonia. A big cosy one's great, but even better are the slightly cropped versions Pammy made famous in the '90s. I recently scored a knitted Joseph one on eBay, which keeps my glands toasty warm and my belly appropriately exposed. Failing a vintage win, this funnel neck from Zara is great in a sexy Phoebe English sort of way. Wear with a choker and optional evening lippie. Beat that, sensible layers.
Polo neck, £25.99, Zara
**3. Socks and sandals
**It doesn't bear dwelling on really as it's so drastically obvious that this is trans-seasonal dressing at it's absolute best. Sure, when I say sandals I mean Birkenstocks and when I say socks I mean either bed socks (quite Celine) or ribbed sports socks. But other than that, you know, get creative! Or just don't and do it my way.
Palace socks, £12, Slam City Skates
**4. A slip dress
**This morning I saw a girl wearing a red fur-trimmed coat over a jacket, over a sexy silk slip, over some wide-leg trousers, with her hair in a bun, and trainers. When I made eye contact because my heart was beating really fast and tbh I've always wanted to have a lesbian phase, she sneered at me and stomped past. I've literally never been so impressed.
Chemise dress, £160, Stella McCartney
**5. 40 denier tights
**These will satisfy that craving to get yer legs out (try and deny it) while providing some sweet respite from the bitter temperatures lurking around every shady corner. To be honest, by now they're all you should be wearing anyway because they're clearly the opacity that Ally McBeal wore and what more reason do you need?
Tights, £4, M&S
**6. Jeans
**Denim can be scary because get it wrong and you look like you rolled through the Topshop jeans section covered in glue and ended up in something more suited to someone you would have dated circa 2006. Still, get denim right (think Marques Almeida or Ashley Williams) and you can take full advantage of a wearable, durable and hard-working fabric, which you can throw in the washing machine as many times as you like. Start with full trousers and come June just cut the bottoms off. It's practically recycling.
Boyfriend jeans, £235, Marques' Almeida
Follow Bertie on Twitter @bertiesbrandes
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.